Oh & here I am. It’s been very dramatic. I was in Los Angeles all week, being lived by an unconcious man in the ICU. I know that might seem like a cop-out. It felt like one at the time. How can you be lived by somebody who is unconscious? But in some mystical way or another it seemed to work out. You’ll see what I mean.
Woke up quite early on Monday morning & headed to the airport. The SO LONG EMILY sign over my bed seemed somehow portentous.
I had my own block of seats on the airplane
It was mostly empty. My iPod was stolen the week before so I had nothing to listen to. I mean, nothing to which to listen. But Christmas carols played in my mind & of course
I'd brought some light reading for the plane.
The woman across from me on the flight was in her 70s. She was wearing Mickey Mouse earrings & she had a Mickey Mouse Necklace over a red turtleneck & a sequined Mickey Mouse purse. She was working on a book of crosswords, I think. I’d assumed she was a tourist going to Anaheim, but then she started talking to some other woman & turns out she was only a Mickey Mouse aficiando. She actually lives in Orange County.
California is full of surprises.
We landed in heavy rain but it stopped when we taxied up. & there was a rainbow right over the airport. Cue oohs & ahhs from my fellow passengers. I oohed silently.
Keith, the driver, picked me up & he said the clouds had parted just for me. Well, sure. They always do.
At the hotel I signed up for wireless & then settled my brains for a long winter’s nap. By now I’m quite familiar with this particular hotel. I know the leopard-print bathrobes & the snakeskin cabinets as if they were my very own.
Los Angeles, like the rest of the world, is disintegrating somewhat. I could tell the hotel is losing money. For one thing, they had changed all the bath products from L’Occitane to Aveda. Also, they no longer ask if you want the key to the mini-bar. They just give you the key to your room
& the mini-bar is unlocked.
Anyway, the next day I went to the hospital where my friend was in poor condition. But once I arrived, he seemed to improve somewhat. By the end of the day, he was able to squeeze the nurses’ hands. There were some doctors who came in & they asked if I had any questions.
“No,” I said. “Except… do you think it’s fun being doctors?”
They exchanged confused glances & hurried away without answering me. For goodness sake. I only asked a simple question!
Anyway, by the end of the day I realized that I had only one very obvious option. I needed to move to Los Angeles as soon as possible & live in my friend’s apartment. I ran it by his secretary & his nurse & his doctor & his best friend & they all agreed.
So that is what I am going to do. Friends, I am moving to Los Angeles.
I went to the hospital the next day. It was much the same, only a little better.
it was much the same, only
a little better
Then around 5:00 I received a call from another friend, who had [redacted]. Spent the rest of the night [redacted] & out for drinks at the W too. Once I got back home (or hotel, rather), spent time on Skype. It was a good night, if [redacted] an anxious one.
I spent the next two days on [redacted]. The Dear Friend who was living me had stabilized, though he was still unconscious, & since I was to be moving into his apartment in a few weeks’ time I felt less need to go to the hospital. I had his doctors’ blessing. I stayed in my hotel room & planned [redacted].
I also saw a few friends from high school.
Time marched on.
Lots of things happened. I met men & they fell in love with me. It rained a little. Rain is an event in Los Angeles (my friends complained that the sound of it kept them awake at nights). I wrote a few delirious emails. Drank a lot of champagne. Talked on the phone with nurses & business managers & my mother. I contemplated quitting the project. I was pretty sure I’d have to quit.
My Dear Friend was doing ok. They floated a catheter or something into his heart through his lungs. Today (Sunday) they took out his breathing tube. The last few days I couldn’t go in as they thought it would be better if he didn’t have visitors. Also, [redacted] was happening.
I’m not a very good [redacted], for obvious reasons.
I ate some room service & emptied the mini-bar & watched some movies on TV. There was one day where I stayed in my hotel room all day & watched the Discovery Channel on mute. They dissected a crocodile over & over. It was a huge crocodile. They dissected it every two hours, or maybe less frequently. It was hard to tell.
they had excellent room service
That’s how it was. Then this morning I got on a plane & came to Vancouver, where it had snowed.
I was being Lived By my Dear Friend, unconscious or whatever, he always liked me to do just what I liked. If I could’ve, I would’ve shaken my own hand & slipped myself $600 & told myself to go shopping, but for obvious reasons this wasn’t feasible. & as far as the inspired decision to move to Los Angeles & live in his spare bedroom goes, I credit it entirely to him.
Anyway, now I’m here in Vancouver. Got back tonight & tonight Shannon came over. She’d cleaned my entire apartment & I made her some steak with truffle butter. I talked about how I would need to quit the project but how I felt increasingly that I shouldn’t.
We soon had the best idea (when we put our heads together we’re very dangerous).
I’m taking the next week off. This is necessary. After next week, I will return to the scheduled programming. A full two weeks of it. Following which, Shannon will take charge of the administrative aspects of the project for one month.
See, it’s not living the schedules that is difficult for me, it is coordinating the schedules. Assigning the weeks, sending the required emails, etc. etc. all takes its toll on me. It no longer feels like Emily “Lived By” but rather, Emily “Lived For.” It’s less about the directives than it is about the logistics &, as such, it begins to feel rather artificial.
Shannon will take care of all of that. & henceforth, everything will be fine. Furthermore, it will be much more out of my hands.
Anyway, I’m taking a week off. During that time, we will restructure the project. I will return full force in time for Christmas. I will move to Los Angeles & spend New Years there. The project is being relocated but, as far as I know, it will resume shortly. I appreciate your patience & your support. If you have suggestions, send them along. Shannon will help me deal with them.
We’ve lagged a little, but we’re making a comeback. From now, I’ll be around & everything will go swimmingly.
You go, girls! Please be sure to tell us about your “week off” in your next blog, it IS part of your livedby year, as your life will be dictated by movers, bankers, customs officials, landlords, documents etc.. Sounds gruesome.
And, nobody truly gets a “week off” in real life—it’s like the year I broke one of the dated-engraved Christmas tree ornaments my daughter had received from her grandparents every year since infancy. I was heartbroken, but now when I hang the shiny globes, I remember 1991 as the year that I “dropped the ball”, and I have a good laugh at myself. It’s all part of the (his)story.
PS Shannon cleans and cooks? Manages adminstrativia? Dresses-up as the Red Queen? Is 27 years old, and a renowned con artist? Who IS this person???
maxine — it is gruesome. but i’ll take your suggestion & blog anyway, maybe. shannon has many wonderful suggestions. things will be picking up soon.
Emily, I’m confident that you and Shannon will succeed at whatever you put your heads and hearts into. You two girls have more balls and brains than most young women your age. Yeah, I might be a little biased, but moms are always the biggest cheerleaders, and we believe in our daughters even when the going gets rough! And yes, I am Shannon’s mom—she said you had asked about my name in my email address.
Live big, live fully, take risks, be smart! The journey of life is a gift.
Good luck, ladies!
Illness has the power to move people. Literally. Here’s to your friend being enlivened by your presence…and to the project’s newest evolution.
lol at “move people. Literally” — that’s what i’ll be doing! thx for your continued support
Sounds like you are following your heart. What you need to do to help and feel at peace. Whatever your decisions (and wherever you are) know you are loved and supported. Los Angeles is a rapidly changing landscape. Should provide some interesting “Lived By” weeks (if you do choose to continue the project). Although, you will be missing the Olympics in Vancouver – wouldn’t have minded hearing your take on the insanity of the city while that was going on.
oh i can’t WAIT to escape the olympics. in some ways, glad i found an excuse!!
that’s one of the things i noticed at the vancouver airport when i left. it’s getting all pretend.
the olympics are coming.
It looks like you’re starting a new chapter in your life. I hope you do continue Emily:Lived By to the end of your 52 weeks. Enjoy your “vacation” and the last few weeks in Vancouver. I hope your friend has a speedy recovery.
thanks, sara. i think i will continue to the end of 52 weeks. this isn’t quite what i expected, but i think i had it in me!
recovery is too much to hope for, but los angeles will be interesting. & shannon is a cruel master. i had a Business Dinner with her tonight & it looks like the blog will become much more interesting shortly, whether i want it to or not!
Yay! That Lived By will live on following Intermission Week has made my day. Having Shannon on board should lead to a fuller experience for you. Good to hear your friend’s condition is improving.
shannon makes everything a fuller experience
As I peek into your project only periodically, it seems appropriate you should only be posting periodically. Takes the pressure off us both.
And hey, LA isn’t disintegrating – it’s evolving and moving on. And maybe it’s sobered up a little. Perhaps a good thing when you need to re-channel your efforts.
I am sorry to hear about your friend. I’ve spent too much time in hospitals recently. Time doesn’t work right in them. I hope he gets well.
There was a man I truly loved who was like a father to me. And after many years of illness and surgeries and medical intervention and bravery, he took the bravest step of all and said “Enough.” I was stunned and heartbroken, and not a little afraid to have to think about my life without one of my compasses and this source of emotional protection should I ever need it. I wasn’t sure I could handle it. But the next few months were amazing, if far too few.
I was given the great honor of being there for him when he needed support, of giving back some of what he had given me. I learned the true meaning of grace and that I could, indeed, be the person I always hoped I could be (and he always believed I was). I am stronger in my sense of place, have new perspectives on life and my own choices. I have no regrets.
He “visited” me the day after he passed and we shared a smile. He was tickled pink I had managed to notice him, I know that sounds strange. No secret message from the other side, there was nothing more to be said. Just the smile and the shared knowledge that we had loved each other well.
So as tough as it may seem, you are being a true and good friend just for being there. You are supporting him in a time of his need. Though unconcious, I believe souls do touch and know each other. It helps.
And its good to be lived by Emily by Emily for us too. So disappear for as long as you need. It’s all part of experience.
thanks, barbara, for this thoughtful & interesting comment. it’s one of my favorite parts of this project, seeing how people respond, the nerves i touch, etc. thanks also for the encouragement & support.
Best of luck. If you do move here, don’t forget your uncle. Who is currently much worse for the wear after a goodbye party from my old job. I’m around until Jan 4 when I have to go up to San Jose for a week to get properly indoctrinated into Google. After that I’m around some more, and will be in Santa Monica during work hours.
I also recommend visiting your aunt Jennifer at her new house. After seeing it you’ll understand.
hi ben. maybe we’ll meet up. after all, i haven’t seen you since i was five years old. lucky you, working for google! google is like, my favorite company. not that i know anything at all about it.
Did I agree to this when I was drunk? I should have insisted on a pseudonym. Oh yeah, anonymity is outdated. Emily teaches me these kinds of things.
YOU DRINK?!
I look forward to more glory days on “Lived By”. This new direction sounds like the only direction.
I wish you well Emily. Via Shannon. I love you both.
Has Shannon now taken over the comments section too, as a part of her administrative duties? I had sensed a change in the voice of our ‘author’, but some things I sense turn out to be off the mark. Anyhoo…
i like your suspicion, but no. sometimes i’m lazy. not always ez, you know… living & being me…
i like eggs florentine. and, i do like eggs benedict. but, i prefer the former. what else? well, i like eggs that are nogged. i like eggs that are pogged (japanese style). i don’t like eggs that are frogged. i don’t like eggs that are sogged – which reminds me, i don’t like eggs a la Dr. Seuss; but, i do like eggs that are poosed (too graphic?)
wishing you alone well. i’m selfish like that – especially around egg poachers
how eggseptionally odd.
i wish you all the best, emily…in your project and in your life. if you ever need a break from things, drop me a line and i’ll take you to disneyland. maybe you’ll see your flight mate again.
Lee is always so suspect of me! No Lee, I haven’t.
Perhaps Emily’s just a little more off your mark, than normal.
Just an inquisitive person by nature and I enjoy letting my mind rip
. Thanks for the transparency. Inquiring minds like mine rather appreciate it.
And who let my Mom in here?!
I’ve been following your journey and I find you quite interesting. Your sense of humour is great. I just read your post on Twitter about being one of Colin Firth’s step sons in your 20′s. When I first read that article, I wondered if you would see it and post a comment with regards to that error. I just got my answer! And how about a big “Congrats” to your step dad for his Golden Globe Nomination! I very much enjoy following all the blogs in your family. Happy Holidays to all of you. Keep up the terrific work!
good luck on the move, i think it will widen the possibilities for your project. i don’t have any real good suggestions other than if you drive, stay in the middle lane through vancouver (wa) into portland and be careful in oregon. they like to ticket people for even 2mph over and the fine for pumping your own gas is huge. anyway good luck and enjoy socal!
Oh goddd now i know who Jennifer is….omg what the hell on earth is she doing dating that Loser Phil laak???? Ugh god whats wrong with her….she can have anyone and she goes for him?? Watch out hes a con-artist and is with her all bc she has the Dough !!! i feel bad she seems like a sweetie…but what the hell is wrong with her…even her ex husband sam says shes a cook! Emily you seem smart you should talk some sense into her and let her know she has a gambling problem. get her away from that damn degenerate