Emily, Lived By:

How time flies &c.!

I just stepped outside & there were some fireworks going off.  I could hear the dog shifting nervously upstairs.  See, I’m at my brother’s house. I’m staying in his basement.

Anyway, this week I was being Lived By my good friend Elizabeth &, as you can see if you look at the schedule, it was a week of non-stop poetry.

I was sick for the first part & in transit for the second & of course it’s the hollow days so it’s all something of a blur. But it was a delightful blur & I can say for certain that I did everything asked of me &, obviously, more.

I have an enthralling bedside manner

Elizabeth & I read a poetry book of my/our choosing. It was Ooga Booga by Frederick Siedel.  TD has been recommending it to me heartily for sometime & Ptolemy has mentioned it dismissively in passing so I thought that Fred S. was just our guy.

Or maybe it was the troubled fantasy of a fevered mind

M’as-Tu Vue? made it onto my Christmas list but not, alas, into my paws. Hard to find.  Oh poor yous.  Is this over your heads?  Well, don’t fuss about it too much. It’s over mine too.  Anyway, Elizabeth, I’ll find it one day soon & then– watch out!  I’ll discuss it intelligently with the cows until you come home.  (That’s a play on this joke by Groucho Marx, dear readers.)

Anyway, every day Elizabeth & I wrote a poem based on a prompt I’d make up the night before.

They were very good & not really fit for mortal eyes.  We emailed them to each other at the end of each day, of course.

If you’re very interested in hearing what the prompts were, I can address your curiousity in the comments.

But curiousity killed the Chancellor

As you can maybe see, on the last day, I organized all of our poems into a little chapbook.

Absolutely I did. Absolutely.

I will mail this chapbook to Elizabeth when the time comes.  Visually, it’s nothing special, but I did arrange for it to have a “handle” of rubberbands.

The nicest part of this week was daily emails/poems from Elizabeth.

There were other things that happened this week, of course.  It was Christmas! The cat ran away. I went a whole night without sleep. I was sick! (with the swine flu?).  Things fell apart! I took the ferry to Vancouver Island. The center did not hold. I threw a wine hottle into the street! Sheer anarchy was loosed upon the world.  I found some horse shampoo at the drugstore & intend to use it on my hair.  I came into some money!  Santa arrived & brought me a nice pink scarf & a laptop case.  By the way I stayed in my brother’s basement & am, as you know, there still. The streets were frosty! The cat came back.  I ate nothing but animal protein! Took a picture of a wheelbarrow full of rainwater… & so it goes.

& so it goes

By the way, did you know that pirates did not wear eyepatches because most of them were missing eyes.  They wore them because if you’re going very quickly from the light (eg. a beach) into the darkness (eg. a cave full of treasure) if one eye is accustomed to darkness you will adapt much more quickly to the darkness when you remove an eyepatch from a seeing eye.  This is a technique I intend to employ this evening & in the future.  If I ever need to go from the light to the darkness, for any reason.

What else did I do this week?  I made an obscene video of me reciting one of my prompt poems in a stripey leotard.  It was my Xmas present to the internet.  I deleted it on Xmas day.  I saw my family & my dog. I purchased a tiny antique lighter from the 1930s. Did a lot of Christmas stuff.

I don’t know what else to tell you!(/I don’t know how else to fail you!)

This doesn't mean what we think it means?

What I’ve done (since it’s poetry week) is I’ve extracted one phrase or sentence from each email (each & EVERY email!) I received this week, in order.  I did it fairly randomly, but in such a way that no one’s True Identity would be revealed.  So, if you were to briefly flip through my inbox as if it were a book, here’s what you’d see:

/ email from my wife. /

She’s so not my buddy. / I may fall asleep before long / Enjoy your noodles and whiskey / You have such a winning personality / Emily! / Emily. / no one here ever asks anything about my personal life / Glad you didn’t get in the car! / This marks the first time in our nation’s history that comprehensive health reform has come to this point. / and that is the time the guy suggested we come to make sure we get a table.  / Wednesday they are predicting snow, so make sure you give yourself lots of time /

I’m too scared to even read this whole article. / It’s closed to the paparazzi but open to us.  / I am going to have to stop eating here pretty soon. / i’m in new zealand visiting my girlfriend / well you’re too sick to Skype / chat me / I’m here, I’m here / Today, our Ice Wine is happily fermenting to

perfection in the winery. / AND lines and italics. / Tonally, and especially the use of conch. / Yikes, / This e-mail confirms your reservation(s) as follows: / I presume you may be over on the Island with your family now. / Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! / What a bunch of idiots. /

Get to work! / these damn logistics. Her parents were here, / I’m halfway through. / God, he is such an old man. / I’m really not drinking or taking drugs. / Of course, it was probably just as well / But consider this: This Christmas, there are millions of Americans without health insurance who risk losing everything / Chloe wasn’t allowed at the craft fair, but / I don’t understand it–I wrote it in Word. / Anyway, you handled it with aplomb. / we could totally get the address printed on underwear. / Don’t shoot me, just edit me! / ps- Fear not. / So I need a central image of you, /

what uncanny synchronistic overlaps / Anyhow, I gave her a few dollars / They don’t even bring you UP / No one treats me with kid gloves but now they’re gone and I’m on my own again.  / Please click on the following link to see your card.  / Maybe Santa will bring you a turtleneck and chastity belt /

Four pounds of turkey each is a lot of turkey.  / Your current Verizon Wireless bill statement is now available for online viewing  / [...] take a keen interest in my life. / I saw you pop on my screen / LOLOLOLOLOLOL  / This is supposed to be formatted differently. / here  / A new RBC Royal Bank Electronic Statement is available./

I think this is all of them. /

Stop. Can you stand it?

Then the other thing I did was go through my outbox.  & I did the same thing with all my outgoing emails from this week.  Ready?

/ Why do women insist

on calling me Emily z. / Looks like I’m moving in. / i slept on her couch in this leotard / but i’m not sending you my leotard / you leaning on that table / & then the elevator in the building broke / instead i only have some doggerel  / absolutely absolutely & talked about groceries!! / After it’s done, you can discard the epigraph if you like. / I dreamed that I didn’t get any sleep so I’m going back to bed / with no stanza break. /

Doesn’t it look like I have a fever? / i think i have a fever i can’t type & lfie seems scary / only take one suitcase? / i want to show off!  i did something clever. / my steak is cold through & entirely unpalatable./  i really like this it’s kind of impressive / coming to terms w fact I have SO MUCH to do!! / I’d say “oh, no whiskey is medicine! Really.” / oh yes, because we are saints.” / [TD] says it’s outrageous & pathological / I still haven’t cleaned or packed / Furthermore I am on the way to the store for some sausage. / He said “emily everyone will be staring / I’m almost home /

I’m at the ferry terminal & I haven’t slept. / I’m about to sleep in my car in the hold of a ship. / idea of men masturbating to poetry & thought you might too / Google “navigating device” / it’s actually like totally OBSCENE / I kind of think that’s bad. / My mother was handing out slices of ham. /

because you want attention & I want to be left alone. / It’s not haunted anyway only called that / if it makes you feel better, i didn’t want to do it myself. / he ran off & there was no retrieving him. / yowling to get in & only a little chomped on by dogs. / charlie’s budgie died while he was in barcelona. / here. /

I hope you’re not dying of curiousity.  I don’t want any lawsuits.

Anyway I was supposed to be on my way to Los Angeles but I got a phone call today.  So I’m staying put in my brother’s basement for one more week.  Thank God he’s so tolerant & doesn’t mind.  I may or may not be moving to Los Angeles.  That, like everything else, is figuratively speaking up in the metaphorical air.

Light (just keepin' it)

I was taking week 25 off so I could move to Los Angeles.  But now I’m not moving, for now.  But it’s too late to get anyone else.  So now, friends, I’m taking Week 25 off in order to achieve the most perfect possible stasis.  Or something like that.

Maybe I’ll come up with some silly game each day.  Or something like that, to keep you entertained next Monday. Until next Monday!  Can you hold on till then?! Next Monday, after all, it will already be 2010.