Ladies. (& gentlemen.) Boys. (& girls.) It’s been awhile, I’ll confess. So long, in fact, that I’ve almost forgotten everything. I’ve forgotten almost everything. In the past two days I’ve been so busy watching reality television & hobnobbing with health care professonials & so forth that I recall the past week only hazily & with some great difficulty.
I’ll reconstruct it here as well as I can, considering.
It was supposed to be a week off because I was supposed to drive to Los Angeles. But then things suddenly became very up in the metaphorical air & the drive didn’t happen when it was planned so it was just a Week Off. My family left & I stayed in my brother’s basement.
A good cat is hard to find
I lay in the basement all day, sending emails & talking on the phone. Sleeping on the air mattress with the blankets over my head. The Chancellor kept me company, the dog stayed upstairs. I think it rained lots, maybe. If I grew hungry I ate Xmas chocolates. My brother’s girlfriend was there, & one of his friends was visiting. On the first night, I went upstairs & made vegetarian lasagna for the crew. Sometimes we watched movies, happy ones. Once I went with the Bailey sisters plus nice male Bailey cousin to The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus.
The New Yorker review of the film says:
… people are invited onto the Doctor’s stage and sent through a rickety mirror, into a world where anything goes—a candy-colored landscape out of “Mary Poppins,” an oily river that curls up into a snake’s head, you name it. Are these embodiments of each person’s fancy, or did Parnassus himself cook them up? I have no idea, any more than I can decide whether C.G.I. was the best or the worst thing that could have happened to Terry Gilliam. His gifts of invention were already so fecund, and so prolix, that this newfound ability to construct anything that drifts into his mind’s eye—as opposed to the ramshackle, hand-drawn delight of his earlier animation—spells both enchantment and chaos. He can follow any train of thought, so he does, and it’s no surprise when the trains run out of steam.
So I found it very relatable. The most relatable film of the year.
Anyway, there must be a state somewhere where it is legal for my brother to adopt me? He was a dream host. In the mornings I’d hear him getting ready to go to work upstairs, just as I was ready to fall unconscious with exhaustion (I’ve been suffering from insomnia lately).
The night before New Years Eve my brother & his girlfriend went out to a club. Before they left she asked me if I could call her at 2:00am. She was nervous. “I know it sounds weird,” she said, “but I’m having some sort of premonition.” I told her I’d call. I called & she didn’t pick up. Oh no! I texted all his friends, who assured me everyone was alive.
The next morning it turns out that, well …
Well, well!
I’m going to have the best sister-in-law in the world! My brother proposed to her that night. He got down on one knee & everything, with a ring he picked himself! & she said yes, & he walked around the rest of the night with a muddy patch on one knee. I am absolutely thrilled. Unfortunately, this makes me officially a spinster. But I’m thrilled regardless.
So that morning we went to Denny’s to celebrate! I didn’t think they would go for it but I was in the mood. My new sister-in-law accepted my proposal that we eat there without hesitation. With great enthusiasm, in fact! I had the Lumberjack Slam. It was rainy & grey & the Denny’s was festive & there was lots of sappy wedding talk.
So much to ketchup on, isn't there
That evening the lovebirds headed off to a party & I went into the city to spend a quiet evening playing Scrabble with Olivia & friends. I arrived just in time for the most AMAZING chocolate cake.
Goodbye No(ugh)ts! Good riddance!
They’d gotten the recipe off some food blog. I don’t read blogs so I’m not familiar with it. After the cake came champagne & Scrabble & we stopped at midnight & toasted & then resumed. I won. But of course.
We talked about horses & boys & braiding hair
Then we settled in for a quiet night of watching movies …
But somehow as more & more people arrived the night became less & less quiet. The Scotch came out & by 4:00am, you know, we were drawing foot puppets & standing barefoot in the rain & singing old showtunes & hugging … or was that only me? How things seem to blur together.
But all in all, December 31 was certainly one of the best days of ’09.
The next day we all arose around 2:00 & stumbled around drinking orange juice in our pajamas. & ordered pizza. & watched TV. Everyone mocked me & I screamed & blushed & hid my face & swore I’d leave after Notting Hill, after Jersey Shore, after Teen Mom. Finally I really did leave. At my brother’s I packed my suitcase & did some laundry & we ate some more pizza & watched another movie. All in all, January 1 was the BEST day of ’10.
Olivia, I luv ya, all of ya.
& then on Palindrome day it was only lonely little me. I loaded my car & hit the road & took the afternoon ferry to Port Angeles. Very sleepy.
Beautiful, British Columbia!
Drove to Portland. By night. On winding, rainy roads.
On the way, I saw this wonderful sign taped to a port-o-potty outside a gas station.
Hope he got his date. Alas, I came too late!
At the same gas station I purchased my late evening breakfast of champions (beef jerky, Dayquil, Red Bull. I took a pic but on second thought, it’s too depressing).
I arrived at my motel around 11:00. It was very sketchy. The bed looked like this.
I like to call this piece "Psycho III"
I didn’t get much sleep.
Sunday, fueled by Red Bull (it’s like, my new thing) I drove to Sacramento. Didn’t sleep much there either, but I have to say the Residence Inn Marriott in Sacramento is without a doubt the best low-budget hotel I’ve ever seen. $89 for a suite with a kitchen, immaculately clean, free WiFi, big flat screen TV, hot breakfast in the morning, & microwave popcorn! & best customer service! I’d practically go to Sacramento just to stay there.
& then Monday I got to LA. Where it’s sunny & in the 70s. I’m still really not sure what I’m doing here. But I’ll well into Week 26 by now & I really hope I get my prize at the end, though I’m not sure I’m willing to put in the effort. & you’ll have to wait until next week to hear how that goes.
Fruits & vegetables? As if.
I know this entry is dull but I’ve had a long & curious time of it. & I realize now that procrastinating is no good. It only gets harder to write these the longer I wait. I assure you, it won’t happen again. I’ll blog as soon as next week is done. It’s 2010 after all. Time to whip myself into shape.
Stay tuned! I’m sure something will happen. For one thing, I’ll get thin & tan. That much I can say for sure.
I found this entry anything but dull. Loved the pictures, all of them. Could feel the happiness in the David and Amy picture. Seeing the very pretty ring David chose out. Laughed the detail of him walking around with a muddy knee. Hadn’t ever thought of that. The golden glow of scrabble and the Christmas tree.
Found the bed cover kind of disturbing. Glad you arrived safely.
And… What was that man thinking, leaving his pick-up note on the port-o-potty?
That post wasn’t boring Emily Zinnemann, not boring at all!
I laughed out loud 3 times. Can you guess where?
oh god, i don’t know. but i’m sure the uncle buck sign was one. it had to be.
That bed cover creeped me out! Did you actually sleep in that bed? please tell me you didn’t lol! And congrats to your brother and his fiance!
oh i slept in it! not well, mind you. but i slept.
I like this week a lot!
i liked YOUR week a lot.
chapbook forthcoming
this has been my favorite post thus far. happy new year to you and all your loved ones!
I wonder who or what are Uncle Buck’s references!? The note appears strangely like a woman’s writing, with a serif on the ‘i’s and girly squiggles down the side and bottom. I can’t help but wonder if UB’s sister or mother wrote it for him. Either could probably provide a glowing reference AND the turkey and trimmings!
UB crossed out “send picture”, although he seemed to be pretty picky about his date. She had to be short and fat, and into port-o-potties, but he graciously didn’t care how many teeth she had!
Thanks for the funny photo!
i know, cute & interesting isn’t it? i think he wrote it himself though. i think he just wrote it in Fancy Writing.
BTW I procrastinate on some things, too. It’s a problem I’m going to work on later.
Don’t worry Maxine, I procrastinate about procrastinating. I have this vague intention of making a “10 item” to do list (that I probably won’t get around to doing) for my New Year’s resolutions.
Emily, this blog reminded me of how much I enjoy your eye for finding interesting details in everyday encounters. It’s as almost like we have an “Emily Cam” that gives us an expanded version of the world. Thanks for sharing. Glad to see you made your trip safely and hope that warm welcomes await you.
well thank you. warm indeed! it’s all sunshine. those 12 sweaters i brought have yet to see light of day.
Congratulations to David!
I’m out of town for the rest of this week due to a little thing called Google (dis)orientation. Google is unbelievably chaotic, crazy and awesome. If we ever get together I’ll try to describe the parts of it that I’m allowed to talk about. Let me describe a few official company policies to give a general sense of the place.
1. Dogs are allowed in all offices. You can’t bring yours if your officemates don’t want it because some people do have allergies, but otherwise it is OK. Cats are unfortunately not allowed on campus. Nothing against cats, but Google is a dog place and cats simply wouldn’t be comfortable.
2. At no time should a Googler be more than 150 feet away from food. Yes, this is an official policy, and yes the food is good. And free! (For some strange reason many new Google employees gain 15-20 pounds fairly quickly…)
3. Engineers are supposed to find a side project of their choice that they spend at least 20% of their time on. Examples of things that started as side projects include gmail, covering the parking lot with solar panels, creating a shuttle service so employees don’t have to drive to work, and driving around town with a video camera to create street view. In a speech at Stanford one VP claimed that fully half of Google’s products started as a 20% project which worked out.
god i love google. lucky you.
God, imagine how many balding men with thick rimmed glasses and a belly are walking around in there. Designers. I love them. Let them design a New Earth, Google is a great start.
Hey, shouldn’t Emily be getting paid for Ungoogleable? Or at least allowed onsite to peruse the engineers?
Most of the ones I see aren’t balding. Body types vary wildly. Whatever body type you want is available. The population is about 70% male with a large fraction being highly educated software engineers who are reasonably well paid. Software engineers here tend to be very smart with eclectic interests, and are more extroverted than average software developers. (There are still a lot of introverts.)
If that floats your boat, this would be a good dating pool.
Emily is free to visit me at work. Unfortunately Santa Monica is not the main campus so she won’t get anything like the full experience of the main headquarters in Mountain View.
Hey SG, I love designers too (*hint* I’m a graphic designer
. I think it would be great if we could all design a New Earth, one day this might be a better place.
Emily, I actually enjoyed reading about your week off. I hope you caught up on your rest. Happy New Year!
I envy the sunshine you will be soaking in over the next few months, while I face eye-aching gusts of cold every time I step out my front door. However, there is something very energizing about winter on the east coast that doesn’t seem to be around on the northwest one.
Here is the cake, in situ on what might be the best food blog on the internet:
http://orangette.blogspot.com/2004/08/and-then-cake-came-forth.html
yes…the windy rainy roads from PA to PDX can suck! luckily you didn’t get stuck by the hood canal bridge being closed due to wind. i’m actually surprised that they stopped people to check for fruits…every time i roll through ashland into yreka the checkpoint doesn’t seem to have anyone there. i thought for sure it was time to start smuggling washington apples into california lol.
one last thought…uncle buck and the portable toilet note…EEEEEEEEWWWWW!!! lol
****No OFFense…but if a guy gave me a ring like that as an engagement ring…i swear i would slap kick him in the face and head…I only wear Harry Winston diamonds and thats what my man buys me…oh and Van Cleef and Arpel…but that little ring…no damn way