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Week 10, Day 3

13 09 2009

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I ate some Kraft Dinner & grew a virtual farm. I also created a video version of one of Ptolemy’s comments on YouTube, with the help of my friends at the comic store.

Now, for GEEK WEEK, Day 3.

Today was pretty laid back. When it came to this morning, my orders were: 1. Do as thou wilt. I lay abed for hours. Also, read some 2. Sandman.

Then, in the afternoon, I was to 3. Prepare for “Gothing.” This preparation was mostly psychological. I needed to return some boots so I met up with Braden & headed into Gastown. Boots returned, I drank some beet juice– or is it blood?

Not funny. BLOOD!

Then, on the way home, we headed into a record store. That’s goth, right?

I have often walked down this street before, but

I purchased a Serge Gainsbourg CD & a Nico one. Maybe not goth? But I wasn’t supposed to be in character the whole day long.

Then I returned home & slept for hours… & hours… & hours.

Eventually woke up & prepared myself for a long night as a goth.

I have this great dress from the 40s — red silk with black lace & bead detailing. Also a garter belt & some pink fishnet stockings. Vintage clip-on earrings, a long pearl necklace… I curled my hair (a little long for the forties, but adequate) & put on some make-up. Lots of face powder & I was, as far as I know, goth to go.

I still had a little time before Braden got off work & I knew tonight’s post would be a little dull. All dressed up, with no place to go, I thought I’d make a little video.

A video of my own gothic poetry! You should feel privileged. I never share my poetry with anyone. Anyway, I tried to pick something very goth.

Shortly after, Braden called, & we headed out into the night.

Stopped to pick up some cash.

Money money money money

We headed down to the club when suddenly I realized –

I left my phone on top of the ATM at 7-11! Panic! Was sure it was gone.

We walked all the long way back.

Once in the 7-11, we realized they had my phone! What luck! I was giddy. A homeless man was happy for me. In order to make my luck even better, he gave me a wilted pink rose. Later, I realized he was the same man I bought groceries for in Week 1. He didn’t recognize me, but I didn’t recognize him either. I was happy with my rose.

Braden ate a pastry.

Are we goth or are we goth.

Then we went out 4. Gothing. We cabbed to the club where it was FETISH NIGHT! So exciting.

They almost didn’t let us in, even though I think I was fetishy enough. I’m wearing a garter belt underneath! I told them. But they still wanted me to take off my dress. But then I told them I’d really rather not take it off & I was there on assignment. What kind of assignment? I explained my project to them & they deemed me the Ultimate Sub. Actually, they were very very impressed. They let us in no cover. & I was allowed to STAY covered. Beautiful.

We had an excellent time at fetish night. I think we’re going to be regulars. Do you want to know what it was like? Picture fetish night. That’s what it was like. It reminded me of my days at Sarah Lawrence, but everybody was older & wearing more clothes.

Admittedly, I felt a little over-dressed. When we sat on the couches I made sure to hike up my skirt so people could see my beautiful garter belt. There were lots of topless women & a man in some kind of scuba suit came onto me.

Then we danced & danced & danced the night away. We want to go back. We WILL go back.

We were actually crowd favorites, by the end of the night. Most people seemed to think we were a couple. Fetishists, where is your gaydar? Searching for Braden, I met a nice leather-clad man who touched my arm when I left him. “I’m just happy to have… touched you,” he said. I was touched.

The club closed & we headed home.

Not here!

Certainly not HERE!

We made it.

Now, it’s well past 5:00am. I am begrudgingly writing this blog to you, though I’d much rather be in bed. Was I a geek today? It’s hard to tell. Many people at the fetish club were certainly geeky. Others looked like run-of-the-mill clubgoers. We would’ve taken pictures, but it’s verboten in there. Anyway, people certainly seemed to have been watching US. You’d never have guessed it, but when I lost Braden several helpful gentlemen asked me if I was looking for “my friend; the one I was dancing with.” & he says some other guys told him we make a really cute couple.

If only! Anyway, we’re certainly going back. We think we’ve found our people.

Thanks, Ben! Now, to bed. Long day at the office. Tomorrow’s my one day off. & I will see you all on Monday! Full of geekiness, I’m sure.

Comments : 12 Comments »
Tags: 7-11, assignments, beads, blogging, blood, Braden, cabs, clubs, comics, comments, dancing, earrings, ELFSAR, fetish night, fetishes, fetishists, fishnets, garter belts, Gastown, geek week, Gothing, homelessness, iPhone, Kraft Dinner, lace, leather, make up, naps, pastries, pearls, poetry, psychological preparation, recognition, record stores, roses, Sandman, Sarah Lawrence, scuba gear, sleep, toplessness, touching, Ultimate Sub, video, YouTube
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 10, Day 2

11 09 2009

Thus, another long & unproductive day of GEEK WEEK comes to a close. My brain is adequately dulled by hours spent playing online 1. role-playing games, my naturally comely physique is suffering from a diet of sugar, powdered cheese, & food coloring, & I have very few pictures to show for it, since I only left my house for a trip to 7-11 & the comic store. All in all, enormously fulfilling.

Our friend Trafford has suggested that I 2. include a banner of his own design on each of my geek week entries. Oh, all right!

Well, the highlight of my day was obviously reading fairy-tale themed pornography on the floor of ELFSAR, the best & only comic store I’ve ever been to. You can read the whole episode on the post below.

Now the lovely banner is out of the way & we can proceed!

Before I got out of my bed, I lay in awhile longer. I read some comic book pornography with the Chancellor.

The Chancellor is my favorite eunuch.

Sadly, it failed to impress. Sorry, local artist! There were hardly any pictures & I found the text obscene without being particularly titillating. If you enjoy reading exuberantly filthy male fantasy, I’d recommend Nicholson Baker’s The Fermata instead. I finished it a few weeks ago. It’s about a temp who can freeze time & uses his powers to undress women. Vulgar, very fun, & literary to boot. Though I can’t promise you won’t find it offensive.

I read some 3. Sandman last night, though, as per my orders. & I loved it!

ANYWAY.

This morning I was supposed to 4. go to the Vancouver Gaming Guild website to see if I could find someone to play a role-playing game with me tonight. I went, but it didn’t look very busy. Furthermore, I’d decided to take a commenter’s suggestion & do online role playing instead. What can I say? I’m a geek. I suffer from crippling social anxiety & self-diagnosed Asperger’s syndrome.

In the afternoon it was recommended that I 5. research role-playing games. What a kind recommendation! But I was too busy wiling away the hours on Facebook to get around to it.

I made some Kraft Dinner. That’s a geek food, I think. It was not as good as I remember it from my childhood.

I grow more attractive by the day!

Do you see my snake shirt? It’s one of favorites. I bought it for $5 at a store that was going out of business in Ann Arbor. Normally it was at least 12 times more expensive! I bought it because I a) liked the Biblical implications & b) TD is terrified of snakes. But today I thought I should wear it because it is geeky. I’m not sure why it’s geeky but I just have a feeling.

Then I was ready to shirk my errands. In favor of a much more interesting errand that had occurred to me!

What is this errand, you cry? Tell us, Emily! (exploding with love for me)

Well, a lot of people want to send me things. But I’m a lady, & I simply don’t give out my address to strangers on the internet. It’s not because it’s not safe– I have a vicious dog, a formidable security system, & a wholly American love of heavy artillery, plus itchy trigger finger, balcony, large pots, easily-heated oil. But it’s not dignified to give out one’s address.

I was going to get a P.O. Box, but yesterday (while lying on the floor of Elfsar), I was struck with a brilliant idea. Maybe Elfsar could be my post office! Then I’d have an excuse to go back there periodically, despite an almost total lack of interest in comic books. & it’s much more fun than picking up packages from a post office. Then I have other people to delight in my spoils with me! Also, the scenery is better. I ran it by Ethan over email last night & this afternoon headed over. I’m paying them about what I’d pay the post office & they’ll hold my packages for me.

ALSO, I’m going to record every package-receiving excursion. Not in text… certainly not. Nor in photographs — how old fashioned! Video? Well that sounds tedious…

I’ll make little comic strips! I like to be as multimedia as possible these days. So anytime I get a package, you’ll see a little comic about it. Rudimentary, perhaps. But appropriate.

My mailing address is now:

Emily Zinnemann
C/O Elfsar Comics & Toys
1007 Hamilton Street
Vancouver, BC
CANADA V6B 5T4

I love this address as if it were my very own.

Send whatever you want, whenever you want, & I’ll make sure to incorporate it into the project somehow. Of course, you should know you have no control over HOW I’ll incorporate it.

Anyway, I went down to Elfsar (laden with dog food) to see my new best friends. Omar & Ethan! How I love you! A man named Matheus was there too. I bought my package rights for three months plus a Coke.

The guys told me they’d checked the comments & some guy had written a really long one. Let me guess. Ptolemy? Yeah! (They had no trouble with his name, I’ll have you know). They gave me the gist of it, told me it was a one act play, & I was struck with another brilliant idea.

Did they want to act it out? They didn’t seem to want to, exactly, but this was no time to be coy!!

I raced home & fed the dog & got my computer & raced back!

Wow they were good. They only took one take. I kept messing up the end, however.

Results?

I think I speak for all of us when I say 6. QAPLA’! Also, um, 7. maj’

Who knew geeks could be so handsome & talented?

As a sidenote, apparently Ben Trafford came by the store early this morning, seeking Omar for a duel of some sort. Unfortunately for everyone, Omar wasn’t in. Mr. Trafford is apparently a thin man with a pointed goatee! He bought a Coke. That’s all I know.

I left the store & headed to 7-11, where I bought 7. food traditionally associated with gaming [...] Nothing too fancy, and nothing that takes too much time to do. I was still very full from my awful KD, & rather at a loss. But I hit upon it. NERDS! Obviously, those are associated with gaming. I also picked up some Sour Whips (haha — whips) & a slurpee. I think I should get extra geek points for mixing Coca-Cola & cream soda flavors. So there’s my dinner.

Once home, I 8. Watched some Prisoner. A clip on YouTube where the guy shouts he’s Not a number! Very excited for real thing.

Then I 9. Went forth & gamed.

I looked around a little for free online RPG’s but nothing really struck my fancy. Then I hit upon it. I should google RPG’s for girls. I found a lovely website full of girly games.

The first game I played was called “Get a Life.” I found that appropriate. It was similar to my Janet-From-Sales idea. I could do a few exciting things like “Beg for change from Mom” or “Sleep” or “Go to class.” I spent a few minutes playing but I couldn’t figure out how to get my character’s Happiness score up. Though I kept going to the bar to buy drinks, I kept going into negative Happiness points so I got bored & quit. How eerily portentious.

Next I played “Tattoo Artist.” I had to stay in the lines. Next!

“Perfect Wedding Cake” was much more fun. It told me:

Get married is the most sweet and happy thing in one’s life.But a perfect wedding cake is isdispensable part for it.Give you this chance for making a sweet perfect cake to couple of lovers.Best wishes!

I created a beautiful concoction. It had a live butterfly, a ballerina, pink roses, a teddy bear — the works!

Then I played a few more. I made breakfast sandwiches to order, ran a little bakery, & also played “Octomom,” in which I was hired as Octomom’s nanny & I had to feed the babies whatever they wanted or they’d be taken away by social services.

But none of these seemed dangerously addictive.

Finally I hit upon FARM MANIA. I’m might keep playing once I’m done with this post. I have a little farm of my very own. I’ve done so well that I have sheep & lettuce & two varieties of melon, also geese, two buckets, a double-sided hoe — wow, the works.

All I have left to do is 10. email my mother to tell her the gaming geeks didn’t eat me (of course not. All I’ve been doing is scaring off virtual rabbits) & 11. Read Sandman before bed.

If you think this is boring, blame GeekMaster Trafford — not me. As if I have any control over all of this! I’ll spend the rest of this Friday night updating the tags on past entries, like a true Geek.

That’s right. Tag, Virtual Farm, & Email. For tomorrow I Goth.

Comments : 21 Comments »
Tags: my mother, video, suffering, Coke, the future, trouble, comments, food, correspondence, comic books, drinking, the Chancellor, addiction, Ptolemy, interest, love, balconies, BFF's, happiness, nerds, terror, ingenuity, brilliance, YouTube, yesterday, the internet, Facebook, dog food, talent, control, research, websites, the Bible, brain, orders, results, Ann Arbor, games, commenters, dinner, delight, late rising, errands, dignity, girls, Americanisms, pornography, recommendation, snakes, Nicholson Baker, dullness, length, spoils, packages, highlights, Trafford, titillation, geek week, geeks, The Prisoner, comic book stores, ELFSAR, Sandman, obscenity, 7-11, Kraft Dinner, unproductivity, role playing, my comely physique, diet, sugar, powdered cheese, food coloring, fulfillment, fairy tales, episodes, male fantasy, gaming, Asperger's, social anxiety, childhood memories, discounts, shirking, mail attention, guard dogs, security, heavy artillery, trigger finger, pots, oil, comic strips, mailing address, incorporation, names, plays, the gist of it, good looks, goatees, getting a life, wedding cakes, Octomom, Farm Mania
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 9, Day 2

5 09 2009

What an awfully long day. I hardly know where to begin! My feet, yes, are aching from walking all over the city in heels, but physical pain is easy to transcend. I am, however, psychologically & intellectually exhausted. I’ve been ON from the moment I woke up. Already I’m… seeing stars?

Where shall we start? Where shall we– star!

Try not to star

I suppose that now is a good time to tell you that today I have a 1. STARRING problem. The Coin of Destiny has decided that each day I’ll let one of my commenters provide me with an either/or directive. I select my favorite directive set & then 2. flip the Coin to determine which directive I follow.

This time round, facing stiff competition I might add, Magali won! I was to either 3. have a starring problem or a woopie cushion & the sense of humor of a three year old. Well, I found the starring problem very fascinating. I believe she MEANT staring, but that’s not what she said. I 4. flipped & found myself with a serious starring problem. Just look at the comments on below entry for proof!

By now, with several comment responses & a few emails behind me, I have my starring problem somewhat under control. You should see at least one instance of starring in each of the following paragraphs, but I am stifling the urge to pepper everything liberally with asterisks. Not that it doesn’t take an awful amount of self-control!

Today I woke up, as one does. I did some serious coin-flipping. If your future is written in the stars, well, the Coin of Destiny was my direct link to them.

Should I return library books & mail things today? (YES)
Should I do it before or after coffee & 5. podcast (Tails: AFTER)
Should I watch the rest of the movie tonight after blog, or earlier in the day? (Heads: AFTER)
Should I stay out of Ptolemy/Allyson clash? (YES)
Should I shower now or later? (Tails: LATER)
Before or after chores? (Tails: AFTER)
Should I get out on the other side of the bed today? (NO)

& thus I got out of bed, starry-eyed at prospect of day ahead.

I 6. Consulted the I Ching to see which Radio Lab podcast I should listen to today. I got Hexagram 49: SKINNING (open surface, interaction, free, responsive, unhindered mouth; joy, radiance, burning, brightness, congregation [as of stars]). It seemed pretty clear that I should listen to 7. “Emergence.” Glad I did.

Skipped downstairs to pick up coffee (coins in my coin purse bright as stars) then headed back up to podcast myself into oblivion, or its reverse.

Played solitaire as I listened. I’m a true star when it comes to solitaire. I win at least three games for every two that I lose. I must conclude that the stars are, in solitaire — as in everything else — on my side. So appropriate for the theme of the podcast too. I sat sipping my espresso & clicking away at the seemingly random cards, occasionally sacrificing my score in the timed games to take the notes you’ll see below:

“order materializes out of nothing”
E.O. Wilson writing name in ants
“every time it happens it happens by accident [...] error is architecture”
“local unplanned decisions add up into macro-unit that has a personality”
you’re looking at an author? vs. empty of purpose. which?
emergence = science of “how many stupid things can add up to something smart”
jellybean guessing!! — is this why voting makes sense? [apparently, if you get a roomful of people to guess the number of jellybeans in a jar, the averaged number of their guesses is typically unusually close to the actual number-- much closer than any individual guess. This was discovered by a pioneer of the eugenics movement. Forget which one]
“to see the world as a coherent thing is a miracle”
is there a conducter?

Few facts are included in my notes, as it’s the facts I remember most easily. The ideas of others, however, I have to write down. If you want the facts (&, I assure you, the facts are interesting ones!) I encourage you to download the podcast yourself. It’s free on iTunes. Anyway, do you see a pattern materializing in my notes? Can you read my dreams & anxieties therin? Does the apparently arbitrary pattern seem appropriate? Is there an order materializing “out of nothing”? Commenters, consider. Work for that daily gold star.

Paused here last night. It's been on my screen all day.

It was then time to head out for my chores. Didn’t exactly want to, but who am I to rail against the stars?

I went to the library to return some books. I also needed to mail things to Allyson & her friends/family, as required by Week 8. First, the library. It was nice to be there. I’ve been in school for the last 22 years (with only one exception). Everyone else is heading back to school & I miss the gold stars & pencil cases of my youth. I put my books on the conveyor belt & felt wraught with indecision. A flurry of 8. Coin-governed decisions followed:

Should I get another book while here? (YES)
Poetry or fiction? (FICTION)
Male or female author? (FEMALE)
Someone I’ve read before? (YES)
American or no? (NO)
Margaret Drabble or Iris Murdoch? (MARGARET DRABBLE)
Gates of Ivory? (YES)

So there you have it.

Then I 9. asked the Coin

Should I get a drink here? (NO)
Big post office or little post office? (BIG)

so I tripped down the sidewalk as if walking on stars. Signed up for ZipCar on the way. Then headed towards the post office. Nothing can stop the swift completion of my appointed rounds!

All of this fate made me thirsty! I 10 asked:

NOW can I get a slurpee? (NO)
Something else to drink? (NO)
Can I get a slurpee when I get to the 7-11? (NO)
After I’m inside the 7-11? (NO)
Something else? (YES)

Well, finally! I went to the 7-11 in a sulk, where oh em gee. The gods knew more than I did. The slurpee machine was under repair! Alas for my star-crossed lover (the slurpee). But it wasn’t too late for me. I got a coke.

Once home, I 11. Consulted the I Ching very seriously to see where I should go for Monday’s trip. Insert star for some reason.

Quest question 1.

This was a long, drawn-out process that required several questions. I do not want to reveal the hexagrams I got for each question, as they veer a little too close to home. Suffice to say, it’s not uncomplicated. & the hexagrams recurred with shocking frequency! Many reappeared more than twice. But I got my answer, after asking the following:

Should I go to Qualicum on Monday?
What will it be like if I go Monday, specifically?
Is it the best option?
What would a different trip look like?
Is it foolish to go to Qualicum instead of elsewhere?
What good will come of me going?

It may not be the happiest option, but I believe it is the best. It seems to be in the stars for me at least. I’ll determine the details of the trip a little later. All this had me very contemplative.

I took my long awaited shower. (I sang songs about stars).

Then I 12. Let the Coin of Destiny determine the details of tonight’s date. It told me:

wear makeup
& skirt
put my hair up
drink booze
smoke
don’t talk about the project
no goldfish

I accomplished everything like the star I am (soon to be).

Met my new friend Brendan for coffee. Arrived on time (13. nighttime) & observed him from a distance. Was it him? I 14. flipped the Coin of Destiny. YES. Introduced myself. Told him I couldn’t talk about my you-know-what (I’m a real star with the [lack of] fine print!).

After chatting for awhile, we went for a walk along the sea wall. & then to Chinatown, where 15. The Coin told me we should go to a bar before going to the market. Gold star for me & my multi-tasking.

I'm pondering just what you're pondering

We went to a bar (16. indoors, of course) where Brendan used to work as a barback. We walked through the very dangerous East Side. It’s a good thing I’m such a trusting person & that Brendan is a man of an not-to-be-named-but-honest line of work, as I could’ve certainly ended up hacked to pieces in a ditch somewhere. At the bar, we got in without cover because Brendan is so popular around town. A VERY LOUD band was playing. It felt like stars were exploding in my ears. I could almost see stars circling around my head, as in an old time cartoon. I have a picture of the bar, but it’s not any good. We left after one beer.

On the walk back, feet blistering, we went through the market. What fun! I got some sticky rice (my first meal of the day!) & STAR STICKERS! Perfect for my starring problem.

Brassieres not included

Then we started the long walk home, my blisters near (not to be too graphic) the breaking point. Well, mission accomplished? I flipped 17. The Coin of Destiny to see if the date was over. It was! So now I was allowed to talk about the project. & I did.

Our starry (k)night

We stopped at another bar where I compensated Brendan for the beer he’d bought me on our date by buying one for him. He saw lots of people he knows. He’s a real star in this town.

I’m done with/for today now. All I have left to do is watch the rest of Scenes of a Marriage. I’d normally go to bed but the coin doesn’t see that in store for me. In star for me.

Bella & the Chancellor are cuddling in the corner, though Chance occasionally takes off to chase a ladybug hovering around one of the light fixtures. Did you know that when I lived in Michigan my house was periodically infested by ladybugs? & do you think Bella & the Chancellor know that they’re stars on the internet?

Speaking of the internet, stats are slipping & I’m not happy about it. It’s not a top priority of mine (as I obviously have a lot of other things to take up my time), but it does make it easier to get through the day when I know there are thousands (& not paltry hundreds) of people rooting for (or against) me. Remember, gold stars equal presents when the year comes to a close. & this week (perhaps this week only!) you commenters get a hand in my fate! Comment with either/or’s & I’ll incorporate one of my favorites into the following days.

What's in (y)our stars?

Thus concludes another day (in the life) lived by the Bailey Sisters, starring Emily Zinnemann. It’s raining now. When it comes to a walk, the dog will have to wait. She seems happy to(o).

Comments : 10 Comments »
Tags: writing, beer, slurpees, anxiety, library, comments, dreams, singing, stars, correspondence, favorites, mission accomplished, Bella, friends, coffee, waiting, the Chancellor, directives, process, dates, love, happiness, pain, luck, psychology, notes, exhaustion, the internet, family, paragraphs, iTunes, showers, control, priorities, school, honesty, indecision, contemplation, trust, fate, talking, long days at the office, fans, stats, games, feet, walking, commenters, competition, Michigan, gold stars, sea wall, explosion, travel, chores, leaving, order, sidewalks, the project, stickers, patterns, staring, decision, bedtime, materialization, blisters, facts, post office, back to school, randomness, details, Allyson, Magali, Coin of Destiny, I Ching, introduction, dating, flipping, indoors, Scenes of a Marriage, Radiolab, podcasts, solitaire, aching, heels, transcendence, intellect, seeing stars, starring problem, either/or, whoopie cushions, three year olds, responses, peppering, asterisks, self control, listening, skinning, emergence, downstairs, coins, oblivion, reverse, winning, conclusions, espresso, inclusion, arbitratiness, pencil cases, conveyor belts, flurries, Margaret Drabble, Zipcar, thirst, star-crossed, consultation, hexagram, frequency, recurrence, options, Brendan, you-know-what, Chinatown, market, multi-tasking, barbacks, East Side, ditches, popularity, live music, cartoons, sticky rice, compensation, cuddling, ladybugs, light fixtures, infestation, conclusion
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 8, Day 7

3 09 2009

Last day of being lived by Allyson! New schedule & bios up. The following week promises to be very interesting & interestingly open-ended as well. So those of you who have found the predictability of the past few weeks boring should delight in the (almost) total reliance on chance that is to come.

I also encourage you to comment with your thoughts on above schedule & bios. I’m not the only one who likes your feedback, here.

Allyson did a pretty good job of living me today. I was supposed to host a small 1. local foods dinner party! Well, I lazed around for most of the day, of course, leaving dinner party plans to the very last minute. In the meantime, I ate some 2. blueberries, 3. bread & butter & 4. rabbit terrine. I read some, facebooked some, dozed some, showered some– basically did everything BUT plan a dinner party. Eventually (four-ish), I headed out to find some local groceries. Picked up a package along the way.

Was surprised & pleased to have received a package from Ptolemy!!

Bella remains unfazed.

He’d sent me an encyclopedia of serial killers & the Anatomy of Melancholy. Wow. This man really knows the way to my heart.

I was thrilled. Thrilled!

Then I went to the store & purchased some 5. salmon, 6. dill, 7. sour cream, 8. beets, 9. grapes, 10. peaches, 11. goat cheese 12. red & white wine. All local. Didn’t quite know quite what I’d do with it, but knew it would all come together somehow.

Ate some grapes. Pondered recipes.

Then (with only two hours before the dinner party!) I began frantically planning a meal. Here’s what I ended up with.

Salad. Comprised of 13. romaine lettuce, roasted beets, 14. beet greens, goat cheese, & a basic dressing of balsamic vingear, olive oil, & salt & pepper (underlined non-local foods already available in my cupboard).
a whole 14. trout pan-fried in butter with 15. tomatoes, pan deglazed w. white wine
salmon poached with dill, 16. butter & white wine
boiled 17. new potatoes with a dressing of dill, sour cream, & white wine, topped with 18. salmon roe
peaches, poached in white wine, dressed with a 19. blueberry & thyme, honey, & pepper sauce, reduced from the white wine

It was kind of panicky towards the end. I wasn’t cooking from recipes & Olivia & her friends (Maura & Lexi) arrived a little early! But somehow I managed to get everything on the table.

Much to my surprise, the meal was quite good.

More exciting than it looks.

Olivia 20. helped me prepare by bringing an all-local appetizer feast of local salami, crackers & goat cheese! Also some wine.

Anyway, I was rather outnumbered by FOUR blondes, two of whom (Maura & Lexi) I’d never met.

Maura, Magali, Olivia, Lexi

But they didn’t eat me. Just my food!

They ate, & found it good.

Bella found solace between Maura's legs.

I was very relieved that the whole mess was edible. For some reason, everybody wants me to have dinner parties. But I invite you all to think back on your past experiences in life. How often do single women who live alone throw dinner parties? For one thing, it’s hard not to feel strange & desperate when you’re all by yourself inviting people in for a party. For another, it’s difficult when you’re lifting things in & out of the oven & no one else is there to entertain your guests. Food. For thought.

Anyway, the food was all edible &, in fact, rather good! Recipes available upon request.

We ate & ate. Talked & talked. After the fish & so forth came dessert.

I could eat a peach for hours.

Then we occupied ourselves by spying on my neighbors. We saw much nudity, money changing hands, tender couple pasta cooking, & possible escort services. We pondered & pondered.

Must invest in binoculars.

Then I forced each of my guests to 21. Write down a comment about the meal, along with a remark on what they knew (positive or negative) about the local foods movement.

Results are in.

MAGALI: Delicious! This is the way it should be. Thank you for spoiling us with all this local bounty! Love it when my dinner and my entertainment come from just a stones throw away.
LEXI: Emily – Loved the local beets and tasty trout: delicious and props to you the chef of this tasty meal. Completely new to hearing about the 100 mile diet, but a new eye opening experience!
MAURA: Local meal was fantastic and easier to find local food than I thought I have never heard of just eating local food but find it reasonable and a little liberating
OLIVIA: Emily, your dinner was tasty, coulorful and marvelous! – Who knew all we need is 100 miles!

Sounds like an overwhelming success. Thanks, Allyson!

What larks we had.

Soon it was time for everyone to go home. I took Bella for her walk as my friends (new & old) walked towards their various bus stops & apartments.

Returning home, I was certainly tickled by two names on the empty bottles!

Accusation Ale & Freud's Ego

Sorry about grainy picture quality, & the at times unremarkable nature of the pics, but I only have an iPhone. & I was supposed to 22. take & post at least five pictures of the party & my guests.

& what does the future hold for me? As of tomorrow, I’ll leave that up to my Coin of Destiny. & the I Ching, of course.

Comments : 6 Comments »
Tags: Allyson, Anatomy of Melancholy, apartments, apology, beets, bio, blondes, blueberries, bottles, bread, bus stops, butter, chance, Coin of Destiny, coming together, comments, correspondence, crackers, delight, desperation, dessert, dill, dinner parties, dozing, early arrivals, ediblity, encyclopedia, escorts, experience, Facebook, feedback, food for thought, force, friends, future, goat cheese, goodness, grapes, groceries, guests, home, I Ching, intersting, invitation, Lexi, local foods, Maura, meals, mess, money, negativity, new potatoes, nudity, Olivia, ovens, packages, panic, pasta, peaches, pictures, planning, pondering, positivity, predictability, promise, Ptolemy, rabbit, recipes, reliance, relief, results, return, salad, salami, salmon, schedule, seafood, serial killers, showers, single women, sour cream, spying, strangeness, success, surprise, tables, talking, terrine, thanks, the way to my heart, thoughts, thrill, thyme, tomorrow, trout, unremarkable, voyeurism, wine
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 8, Day 6

2 09 2009

Hello, ladies. Hello, gentler men.

As we enter September, we near the close of our vicarious vacation/local eating week. Tomorrow will be the project’s two month mark! That means we are 2/13 through, as far as I can gather. But my math is only at a 5th grade level, so I might be wrong. This calculation required me to close my eyes & count on my fingers, while whispering aloud how many times two goes into fifty-two & so forth.

Today was a long, lazy day– one of the first I’ve had in ages! Allyson’s schedule for the day was remarkably lenient: her only stipulation was that I 1. eat a local diet &, of course, 2. post one reason why people should eat locally at the end of the day. Well, I managed. Will manage!

I stayed in bed for ages. AGES! Till noon! I had a bunch of tedious tasks ahead of me, like paying bills & returning videos, & I didn’t want to do any of them. So I put it off by sleeping an incredible amount. I’ll have you know, none of my chores got done. But I did dream of Allyson, this week’s puppetmaster!

After I arose, I ate a salami sandwich– the first of many throughout the day. Very simple (& local!), my sandwich consisted of 3. venison salami, 4. butter, 5. organic fantain bread. The breakfast of champions indeed! Spent the next several hours tooling around facebook, catching up on blogs & so forth I haven’t read since I began this project, & playing a lot of Word Challenge. I also 6. snacked on blueberries.

Then I ate some leftover spring rolls from my fridge. I’d intended to give away my leftovers, but Allyson, in a comment below, informed me that:

Eating what you already have in the cupboard, particularly condiments is more than acceptable! It is the RIGHT thing to do. [...]When I started my local eating project with my own family…we ate through what existed in our pantry until it was gone…that included a lot of non-local foods, but wasting would have been the greater offense.

So I did the right thing.

Then I went to bed to read The Unbearable Lightness of Being, which is, by the way, much more interesting now that I’m not nineteen, & take a nap before doing my chores. Well, I napped through the chore-doing window. But I feel little remorse, if much dread for the future & my credit score.

After waking, lazed around some more. Ate another salami sandwich (I believe this was my third). This time I added 7. tomato, 8. goat cheese, & 9. romaine lettuce.

The tomato is in hiding, but it was delicious.

Much better than soggy leftover non-local spring roll.

Made an album on facebook & continued to play Word Challenge. Despite my fondest efforts, I have yet to beat my high score of 37,945. (I am ranked as an Anagram Cyborg, the highest possible level. But how I yearn for more points!)

Then I dared to 10. eat a peach.

I am, by nature, lazy & indolent. I enjoyed myself immensely today, as such laziness is a rare privilege these days, but did feel a little guilty that I wasn’t hunting out exciting local food challenges all over the city. Future participants should perhaps be forewarned that, if I have no real orders in a day I will likely stay in my pajamas reading till nightfall. I take direction like a real pro & have never missed a deadline in my life. But without direction & deadlines? I’m a slug-a-bed.

Things would have continued much in this vein (ie. nothing to write home about about which to write home, as you can see) if it weren’t for Olivia who called me to save the day! She & her sisters, Magali & Cat, have great plans for me for Week 9. My presence was requested at Magali’s new apartment, where I would drink some wine & pick up some supplies for the coming week.

Here's a hint.

After dressing myself (around 7:00pm) & receiving a phone call from our friend TD (who saw a whale in Maine), I headed over Magali’s way. I picked up a bottle of 11. local wine, since I didn’t know what they’d be drinking.

Glad I did! Their wine was from Argentina (very good, from the sounds of it). I happily opened my bottle. They also had snacks– some of which I could actually eat! The pita bread, olives, hummus, & celery sticks were verboten. But there were also some local 12. blueberries & 13. carrot sticks. I felt a little annoying when I had to ask Are you SURE these are local? But it was heartening that they knew for sure. “The carrots are definitely local,” said Jamie (?), Magali’s roommate, “I bought them myself!”

Welcome to the love snack.

I normally don’t know where the food I buy comes from. Now, of course, I’m much more conscious of it. So there was something very nice (& humbling) about the idea that other people, people who don’t spend all their time thinking of eating locally, are aware of where the food they eat is produced!

After discussing local diets & the impending Week 9, we settled into a nice long chat about love & marriage & all those sort of things. I may have scarred poor Olivia for life. How I miss the innocence of youth! It’s tough being a world-weary, hardened 25. But you try spending two years in a graduate program at the University of Michigan & see if you still walk out believing in love as they sell it to you.

Magali & ... Jamie? I really liked her, even if I'm not quite sure of her name...

All good things must come to, etc. & I left with Olivia shortly before midnight. We spent some time pondering the tallest building in Vancouver. Walked her to her bus stop, then headed home. Energized by this past week & looking forward to next one.

Once home, I 14. ate a carrot. Tried to get a picture, but my Mac (the old one) was not very co-operative.

Then took Bella for her walk. They’re filming on our street right now, & she’s not too sure about that. Also she’s still mourning the loss of TD.

Now I’m home, writing to you lovely people. There’s a man playing guitar on the balcony across the street. It’s nice when men earnestly strum guitars if they’re not in your living room. He’s much more pleasant to “be around” now that he broke up with his girlfriend. How do I know this? I’m a very unashamed voyeur. If you’re here with me now, you know how it is.

Anyway, I have a reason why you should eat locally. It’s inevitably much healthier. When your food options are severely limited, you delight in finding things that you might otherwise find boring. Not only are processed foods, sodas, etc. off the horizon, but suddenly, potatoes & green beans become exciting! I assume this would be particularly good for people with children. The “hunting & gathering” effect that local eating simulates makes food feel like a reward for careful labor, instead of something you take for granted.

Happy September, everyone. New bios & schedule will be up tomorrow. You’ll also witness me plan & execute a small local foods dinner party!

Comments : 15 Comments »
Tags: ages, all good things must come to an end, Anagram Cyborg, apartments, Argentina, assumption, beginnings, Bella, bills, blogs, blueberries, bottles, bread, breakfast of champions, buildings, bus stops, butter, calculation, carrots, Cat, celery, challenge, chatting, children, chores, comments, consciousness, continuing, cooperation, correspondence, counting, credit scores, deadlines, diets, dinner parties, dreams, earnestness, eating, effort, energy, Facebook, fifth grade, filming, fondness, food, forewarning, gentlemen, girlfriends, goat cheese, good things, grad school, green beans, guilt, guitar, health, high scores, home, hummus, hunting, indolence, innocence, interest, Jamie, labor, ladies, late rising, laziness, leftovers, leniency, local foods, love, Magali, Maine, managing, marriage, math, men, midnight, months, naps, nature, nothing to write home about, Olivia, orders, pajamas, peaches, pita, plans, pondering, potatoes, privilege, production, project, puppetmasters, quotation, reading, reasons, reward, romaine lettuce, roommates, salami, sandwiches, schedules, September, sleep, slug-a-bed, snacks, spring rolls, stipulations, strumming, supplies, tasks, TD, tedium, the future, the right thing, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, tomatoes, vacation, verboten, videos, voyeurism, whales, whispering, windows, wine, wine bottles, witness, Word Challenge, writing, youth
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 7, Day 6

26 08 2009

Today was my first good day of being lived by Fernando. I’m not sure what it is. The company? The light at the end of the tunnel? Or the inevitable resignation to the week which comes, each week, by Monday? Anyway, friends, it was good. Or good enough.

I woke up early, as usual, but had to 1. stay in bed until 10:40 (up late with Jess [P] I didn’t make it to bed until 2:40 last night). I find when I’m confined to bed until a particular hour, I experience a much greater sense of impotence than I did when “paralysed” & confined to a wheelchair, as in Week 6. I tossed & turned, & read some of the Nicholson Baker book I picked up recently.

Then arose. Did some light housework while Jess was in the shower & then made some tea for her (hot 2. water for me) & chatted before she left for lunch.

Jess, artfully backlit.

As she prepared to leave, I 3. prepared my breakfast of oatmeal. By now you know the drill. I 4. added some blueberries as it was cooking & then 5. sweetened the whole mess with honey. Said my goodbyes to Jess & got on the phone with a future participant (not to give too much away, but it involves a vineyard!).

Meanwhile, Bella finished my mostly uneaten oatmeal.

Mairzy doats & dozy doats

Then I waited… & waited… & waited for Braden to arrive so we could 6. watch La jetée/Sans soleil.

Just as I gave up & started the movie(s) he arrived. We had a grand old time with the films.

They seemed a little dull at first & throughout. I eventually liked the first one very much. The second one made me awfully sleepy, & there was a particularly horrible moment in which I had to watch a dying giraffe with spurts of blood coming out of the gunshot wounds on either side of its neck. That woke me up a little.

By the time the second film ended (& it seemed interminably long) I realized that the movie was not boring, exactly. Rather, it so closely approximated a dream state that it was impossible not to feel very sleepy as it was going on. I can’t say I exactly enjoyed watching it, but after it was over I felt I was in a heightened state of consciousness. I’ve never seen a film quite like it before. Nor a film quite like the other one (composed almost entirely of still snapshots & a voiceover). Each worked within an entirely unfamiliar genre & I was certainly improved by watching them. It’s hard to explain, though I’m sure I could do it if I wasn’t so tired right now. If you’re curious, I recommend that you watch them for yourselves.

Bella & Braden fell into deep post-Sans soleil slumber.

I 7. Read the booklet that came with the DVD. I liked it much better than the other one. There was a short interview with Chris Marker (the director) & I appreciated his refreshing snarkiness.

Woke up Braden, & began my long 8. walk to the 7-11. Then we sat in a park, where I was to 9. Write whatever came to mind. Prompted by Sans soleil, I decided to write a list of the first 10 things I saw which “quickened the heart.” I would have liked to take corresponding photographs, as it seemed only right, but I’d left my phone at home, sadly. Here’s the list.

glint of bearded man’s septum piercing
pigeon coasting on an updraft
brown water moving over green tile inset in stone moat of fountain
tree with a knot in it, small manageable size
congregation of pigeons bathing on ledge of fountain
skull patch on arm of sweatshirt belonging to 1. as he leaves park
my shoelaces are still too long (I always appreciate this extravagance on part of designer)
shadows of pigeons on blue, sky-colored wall
long ears of Wiemaraner disappearing behind wall of red flowers, smoke coming out of owner’s nostrils
airplane noise? passing train? buses. like movement of wind over mouth of cave/breath over neck of a bottle

So there, I’ve 10. posted what I wrote.

Then I went home, where I prepared my 11. no-carb lunch. It’s an exciting new take on cucumber sandwiches. I cut open a cucumber & scraped the seeds out, then put a can of tuna in the middle. With some seasoning & mayonnaise for good measure, of course.

Curiouser. & curiouser.

I ate this bizarre concoction. I 12. took my time, enjoyed it.

Then, after some more Nicholson Baker, I read a random page from 13. Luis Cernuda’s Written in Water. The poem was “Time.” The final paragraph of the poem reads:

There, in the absolute silence of summer, underscored by the murmuring water, my eyes open to the clear half-darkness that heightens the mysterious life of things, I saw how time can hold still, suspended in air, like the cloud that conceals a god, pure and weightless, never passing.

Quite appropriate. It encapsulated the strange sensory experience I’d been having since the movies ended very nicely. Right down to the murmuring water.

I went about my chores.

Then I finished my (somewhat pornographic) Nicholson Baker book on the couch. As soon as I was done, I had a call from TD. He was outside! He’d finally arrived! I took out the garbage & then joyfully went to greet him.

After I got dressed in normal clothing, we went for a 14. walk. Where did we walk? To 15. dinner. It was delicious, if carb-less. He consumed the entire contents of the breadbasket. Good. It was otherwise too tempting to me. We got some oysters & he had some chowder & I had some steamed clams. I would’ve taken a picture but I’d forgotten my phone again.

Upon returning home, TD took the dog for her nightly constitutional & I sat down to 16. write for an hour. Here you see the result of that writing.

Tomorrow we have a very busy day. Not only do I have to accomplish all of my directives for Day 7, I also have to run some errands, rent a car, & ferry over to Galiano Island, where a family friend has graciously agreed to lend me a house for the first few days of Week 8. Quite excited. Next week we will witness a new strain of vicarious living, perhaps more true to the intentions of the project. It’s being choreographed by a certifiable stranger (only the second true stranger we’ve seen).

All I have left to do is 17. abstain from use of electronic devices in the hour before bed & 18. go to bed at 2:20am. I’m at this point so well-versed in Week 7 that I have the whole schedule down by memory. Staying up late will be hard to do– I have almost three empty hours looming before me, along with a house guest who will certainly be asleep well before 2:20am.

I suppose I will occupy myself by responding to comments, handing out a gold star, & maybe picking up another book to read before turning in.

Oh, the fun of it.

Comments : 9 Comments »
Tags: absoluteness, addition, agreement, airplanes, appreciation, appropriateness, arms, arrival, bathing, beards, bed, Bella, bibliomancy, bizarreness, blood, blueberries, blueness, booklets, books, boredom, bottlenecks, bottles, Braden, breadbaskets, breakfast, breath, buses, business, calls, cans, cars, certainty, chatting, chores, chowder, Chris Marker, clams, clothing, clouds, color, comments, company, confinement, congregation, couches, cucumber, curiosity, cutting, days, death, deliciousness, designers, dinner, directives, disappearance, dogs, dream states, dullness, ears, electronic devices, encapsulation, ending, enjoyment, errands, extravagance, eyes, family friends, Fernando, film, finishing, flowers, forgetting, fountains, friends, fun, Galiano Island, garbage, genre, giraffes, God, gold stars, good measure, goodbye, goodness, greeting, half-darkness, heightening, home, honey, horror, house guests, housework, impotence, improvement, inevitablity, intention, interviews, iPhone, it's hard to explain, knots, La jetée, leaving, ledges, lending, length, light at the end of the tunnel, liking, lists, Luis Ceruda, lunch, mayonnaise, memory, men, moats, moments, Mondays, mouths, movies, murmuring, mystery, necks, never, niceness, Nicholson Baker, night, noise, normality, nostrils, oatmeal, occupation, outside, owners, oysters, pages, paragraphs, paralysis, parks, participants, passing, pictures, pigeons, poetry, pornography, posting, project, purity, quickening, randomness, reading, recommendation, red, renting, resignation, response, results, right, sandwiches, Sans soleil, seasoning, seeds, seeing, senses, sensory experience, septum piercings, shadows, shoelaces, showers, silence, size, skulls, sleepiness, smoke, snapshots, snarkiness, sound, spurts, states of consciousness, staying up, stillness, strangeness, strangers, summer, suspension, sweatshirts, sweetening, taking one's time, tea, temptation, the future, the heart, the sky, tiles, tiredness, tossing & turning, trains, trees, truth, tuna, unfamiliarity, updrafts, vicarious living, vineyards, voiceover, waiting, waking up, walking, walls, water, weightlessness, Weimaraners, wheelchairs, wind, writing, Written in Water
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Week 6, Day 1

13 08 2009

Today was my first day in a wheelchair! I’m currently on hour four.

I took a long time accomplishing the day’s directives. Knowing I had a lot to do, I stayed in bed for a long time, almost till noon. I felt I needed to conserve as much energy as possible.

I did my directives out of order. But that’s just how I roll.

When I eventually got up, I 1. Wandered around making sure things were at a reachable height & made my home more accessible (took my plates out of the cupboards, removed a shelf from my fridge, cleared space in my closet, etc.) ran some errands (bought household staples: dog food & whiskey), then went out in the rain to 2. Get a chair to use in my shower for the week. I don’t have use of my car, so there was only one store option. Thankfully, though I did not find a chair under $100 (?!) they did have a little vanity stool. I have full use of my upper body so I figured that would do.

Then I 3. Took Bella for a half hour walk. Ten minutes of that was her standing resolutely on a patch of sidewalk staring into traffic. Neither of us were really feeling it.

I'm not a trained monkey.

With the “walk” done, I headed to Kyla’s, full of nervous anticipation.

After chatting a bit about the project, gossiping about the commenters, & handing over the week’s texts (Kyla is, by the way, a model participant. Not only has she provided a wheelchair for my use, she has thoughtfully procured the week’s required books, & will provide stickers & postcards for assignments later in the week. Take a page from her book, slackers!)

We also tried– & failed– to upload her video to YouTube. For some reason the file is enormous & we can’t figure out how to compress it. Maybe she’ll make videos on my trusty little MacBook later this week. At present, you’ll have to do with a video from me. Keep reading. It’s a little further down.

From then on it was all business. 4. I got into the wheelchair I will be in until Sunday morning. She showed me how to transfer myself onto a sofa without using my legs. We didn’t know how I’d get into my bed… it’s almost chest height when I’m standing up. Eventually we decided that I would just use my legs as little as possible when climbing into it. But that didn’t seem right!

There was also the problem of the shower. I soon realized, once I experienced the exertion of getting onto a sofa, that there was no way I could navigate over a five inch ledge from a wheelchair onto a rickety little stool without cracking my head into pieces. It took some brainstorming, but we’ve got it!

I have a bathtub with a flat square edge & a detachable shower nozzle. I could put the stool in the bathtub. Then, when I needed to shower, I could transfer from the wheelchair to the tub’s edge & then to the stool. I was happy! It feels good to figure things out.

That’s one of the things I’ve been thinking today– a lot of people are talking about how difficult this week is (like they talk about how difficult every other week is), but what they don’t seem to realize is that with the completion of every task comes an extraordinary sense of accomplishment. Many people spend their lives trying to avoid challenges, when, in fact, facing challenges is one of the most rewarding parts of life. It’s a cliche, but a cliche to live by.

It may be difficult to live one’s life for a year according to arbitrary directives, & it is certainly much more difficult to live with a permanent spinal cord injury, but there is a real pleasure in having problems– the pleasure of figuring them out. I discussed this with Kyla & she concurs. I believe the Mormons, scientologists, athletes, & other exceptional individuals I’ve encountered in the past month & a half would all agree.

Honestly, & perhaps this is premature as I’m only beginning Week 6, I feel that my mood is best during the hardest weeks.

As a sidenote, I’ve noticed the following general pattern in my temperament:

THURSDAY: methodical, meditative
FRIDAY: manic, delirious
SATURDAY: essentially normal
SUNDAY: total hibernation
MONDAY: happy, at home in schedule
TUESDAY: irritable– very
WEDNESDAY: bored & lazy

Weird, right?

Facing things

I still had to 5. go grocery shopping (without leaving the chair, obviously).

I headed to the store, accompanied very generously by Kyla’s caregiver, Petra (pictured beside me).

Wow. Rolling up even a slight incline is extremely difficult. I made it myself most of the way but occasionally Petra had to step in.

Buying food wasn’t the hassle I thought it’d be. I’ve always been an impulse shopper & I just grab whatever’s at eye level. So this works just fine for me so far.

Petra helped carry the basket & groceries up to my apartment. I wouldn’t have been able to do it myself, I realize.

Once in my apartment, we reached another ingenious solution to the bed problem– we took out the boxspring! Or, more accurately, Petra took it out for me. Now, using the transfer technique Kyla taught me, I should be able to transfer myself into bed. Then she helped me move the stool (& my shower products– couldn’t reach those from wheelchair!) to the bathtub. It’s hard not to feel guilty for accepting this help, despite knowing that I can’t really do anything to help myself.

Then Petra left. & I put away the groceries. How did it go, me in a wheelchair & all? Check out the video.

Then I 6. made dinner. Kept things simple with a tuna melt. Good call on my part, though the sandwich was fairly disgusting. Doing things in a wheelchair really does take a lot longer. Especially with a dog underfoot. Very grateful this apartment is so accessible though.

I still have to 7. read excerpts from a book on disability (Eli Clare’s book was out so Kyla provided me with a few alternatives) & 8. Write a 500 word essay for Kyla.

Oh, I’ve also got to 9. Go to sleep & have good dreams. Well, as a child I was a lucid dreamer & I’ve always considered sleep one of my favorite hobbies (until this year, apparently) — but anyway, I’ve lost the knack for stuff like that & can’t guarantee what my dreams will be like tonight.

I am very, very, very, very, very tired. & tomorrow will be a very long day. I’m not sure what the blog will look like this week, but I feel I should remind you (as I often remind myself) that this blog is NOT the project. My life is the project. The blog is merely a medium by which I inform you of how the project is going.

I do love the comments though. It’s nice to know I’m not shovelling everything into a void! It would feel much lonelier, I think, & more meaningless without the eyes of hundreds of strangers on me.

I’m very excited for this week. But Bella is worried. I knew she knew the sound of my footsteps by heart, by the way. But I did not know that she didn’t know my voice! When I wheeled up to the door she started barking, & didn’t stop even when I reassured her. Then she ignored me when I came in, excitedly greeting Petra. When she realized it was me in the chair, she was very embarrassed, leapt into my lap, & started licking my face.

She’s not normally that demonstrative. & now she is sticking much closer to me than usual.

Comments : 24 Comments »
Tags: video, sleep, time, dog walks, whiskey, reading, blogging, laziness, groceries, comments, failure, dreams, shopping, food, licking, Bella, feelings, essays, goodness, sandwiches, dogs, books, thinking, boredom, directives, bed, schedules, arbitrariness, difficulty, moods, assignments, help, rewards, accomplishment, nerves, happiness, chatting, loneliness, worry, ingenuity, life, rain, YouTube, normality, postcards, meaning, knowledge, childhood, dog food, solutions, showers, stores, weirdness, navigation, sidenotes, meditation, challenges, energy, cliche, Sundays, closeness, traffic, technique, legs, gossip, commenters, Mormons, athletes, cooking, wheelchairs, disability, hours, noon, conservation, order, rolling, how I roll, late rising, accessibility, height, plates, cupboards, shelves, refrigerators, closets, errands, staples, chair, vanity stools, upper body, sidewalks, feeling it, anticipation, the project, text(s), stickers, slackers, MacBook, problems, exertion, sofas, ledges, my head, brainstorming, bathtubs, need, avoidance, spinal cord injuries, figuring out, scientologists, exceptionality, prematurity, temperament, patterns, methodical, mania, delirium, hibernation, irritability, caregivers, inclines, stepping in, baskets, apartments, boxsprings, transfers, bathing, tuna melts, lucid dreaming, hobbies, losing the knack, tiredness, shoveling, the void, sounds, footsteps, knowing by heart, voices, wheeling, reassurance, greeting, embarrassment, leaping, demonstrativeness
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 5, Day 6

12 08 2009

Dear Readers:

Yesterday, I accomplished everything I was meant to.

Bella thinks invisible is the new visible.

What was I meant to accomplish? Look at the schedule.

Last night’s guests included award winning poets, Olympic athletes, & a horticulturist (not, I was informed, a horticulturalist).

Not pictured: Olympic athlete, horticulturist

I cooked for 18 &, though we were not 18, we ate it all.

I'm sorry, but it was invitation only

Why am I up before 10 the night after throwing a party?

I menaced my guests with the wine bottle. Can you spot the dog?

Because of the schedule.

& I sang my song quietly in the hallway

I will note that the schedule says nothing about when I may go back to bed.

I rode my bike past your window last night

& as for today, I’ll get that done too.

Consider each of these photographs credited to the venerable Jessica Earnshaw

Though a two mile run sounds less than appealing.

New schedule, video, & bio will be up tonight.

If you have any questions about what I cooked for dinner, what size shoe I wear or whether my dog ate any of the leftovers, I am happy to address them in the comments. However, at present I hold the firm belief that, when it comes to yesterday’s story, your imagination is the best medium.

Thank you for your continued undivided attention.

p.s. there is a stupid little bird with a yellow head stuck in the solarium. Chancellor votes to eat him but I vote to adopt him. Anyway, I don’t want him to die so I might throw little pieces of bread at the ceiling.

Comments : 12 Comments »
Tags: accomplishment, adoption, athletes, attention, bed, birds, bread, ceiling, comments, cooking, death, dinner parties, early rising, eating, everything, hallways, horticulture, imagination, leftovers, media, parties, pictures, poets, readers, running, schedule, shoes, solarium, the Chancellor, the Olympics, today, yellow
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 4, Day 5

3 08 2009

Well! Today I was a scientologist. I completed all my assignments like [snap] that. Weeks always get much easier as they roll on… even boring. I’ll admit it.

Photo credit: Jessica Earnshaw

Though after being a devout Mormon, I guess Scientology would naturally be a yawn. There’s not much you can do as a scientologist until you’re really in. Which I amn’t.

I 1. read the assigned excerpts from the Scientology handbook. I 2. talked to five people about how I thought they might apply to my life (one of the strangers, in a last ditch attempt, was the man at the liquor store). I 3. thought about how the principles of Scientology might apply to my interactions with others. & I ate some ice cream.

Guess who else likes ice cream

The ice cream was good. It was left over from Hemingway.

Next, marshmallows.

Well, there’s a lot left over from Hemingway. Psychologically speaking.

What else did I do as a Scientologist? I avoided taking psychiatric medication– that was easy enough. I also avoided taking drugs. Less easy.

Once 6:00ish rolled around, I went down to the center for an introductory session. At first they seemed a little distrustful, but they became more welcoming once it was clear how genuine I was. I took a personality test in record time. Then I met with a nice woman to discuss my results (which were, inevitably, not so nice).

I seem to have misplaced my test results, but the “You” part of me is mediocre, the “Life” part of me is pretty good, & the “Others” part is bad bad bad. Because of previous traumatic experiences, I’m not good at being close to other people or communicating my feelings. That is certainly true.

So I did what I could… purchased a Dianetics book & took a pamphlet for a $150 introductory session.

I found the sustained eye contact very hypnotic & left a little light-headed! As my session went on & people came in & out of the center I found it very enlightening listening to them talk about how powerfully Scientology has helped them improve their lives. I have no doubt that they are happier & likely much improved by their experiences with the church.

Much of what they were saying paralleled my own recent experiences with faith. Belief in something bigger, no matter what it is, certainly seems to have a very empowering effect on people. I suggest that everyone seek something out & try it, just for a few days.

The high point of my day was running out into the middle of traffic so my friend could get the below shot.

Photo credit: Jessica Earnshaw

A former professor sent me an email in which he implied the project might be bad for me. I concur, assuming that he meant to type “rad” for me.

I’ve had a long day at the office & I’m looking forward to my day off. It’s been over a week since I had my last one! I will return to you on Wednesday with a full account of my experience as Fate’s missionary.

Until then, I will continue to miss my friends in Ann Arbor who are having a good time without me at Old Town. & I fully expect to receive six thousand comments on this entry– at the very least.

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Week 4, Day 2: Saved?

31 07 2009

A solution to my difficulties was revealed to me this morning through prayer!

What a relief! More on the day’s events & my readings later tonight. & don’t worry… I may be a woman of God, but I still have a sense of humor!

I would be happy, though, if some of you might step up to defend me from the inevitable comments by nasty atheists! Though I’m normally an atheist myself, there’s still nothing I abhor more than an evangelical atheist.

I almost can’t believe the beauty & the simplicity of this solution! Must pray more often!

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Emily, Lived By: