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Week 10, Day 1

11 09 2009

Woke up very wobbly from the casino last night! Felt a curious lightness without my Coin of Destiny. But at least Week 9 really went out with a bang! Sometimes it seems like every Wednesday is New Years Eve.

But now I’m born again… again. Welcome to Day 1 of GEEK WEEK!

This week, I’m being lived by a brave understudy: Ben Trafford! Some of you might be familiar with him by now. He’s having me do all sorts of nerdy things– read his bizarrely formatted schedule & you should get the picture.

The Chancellor doesn't like geeks. He's sleeping on the couch!

After hobbling downstairs for some coffee I hobbled back up again. Today was actually bright & sunny! I wanted to work on my tan. Can you be a geek & have a tan? Well, the answer is irrelevant, as I was too busy. I had to 1. write Ben a 500 word essay with my thoughts on geekdom. I was generous & gave him over a thousand. I led him on a truly magical journey, liberally peppered with chummy personal anecdotes & candid self-examination.

"I'll take the balcony, loser!"

In it, I come to the conclusion that while I share a geek’s love of art, pop culture, & trivia,

[...] the world of make-believe stopped interesting me as a child. I like my reading & viewing material to be hyper-real, ultra-real, fiction that helps unlock the reality I inhabit. The mysteries I’m fascinated by are the real mysteries of the unknowable world that is actually around us, rather than constructed mysteries of a simpler fantasy world. I don’t know if I could say that I’m an escapist. I think I might be the opposite. But my experience of the world is so opposite to escapism that it actually ends up approaching it. I may embody escapism’s mirror image.

This may be a luxury afforded to me by my high IQ, admirable pedigree, & stunning good looks. If I were somebody else, I can imagine wanting to escape to a simpler & more just world. As it is, I don’t need simplicity or justice. Actually, the only thing I need is a maid.

I don’t consider it a day until I’ve mis-misrepresented myself on the internet.

My lovely little essay also includes several keywords I think that geeks might like. Words like:

hamster, Ancient Egypt, Trekkies, cheerleader, midriff, skinny-dipping, student council, schoolgirl uniform, suicide poetry, child bride, schizophrenia, instant message, livejournals, S&M, childfree, Star Wars, Harry Potter, comic books, fantasy, computers, Marvel, Klingon, internetspeak, Star Trek, escapism

I sent it along to Ben, along with my choice of 2. Klingon word #2. I must work “maj’” into everyday speech when I feel like it. Funnily enough, I haven’t really felt like it. Which isn’t to say everything isn’t maj’. I’m also supposed to say 3. QALPA’! anytime someone impresses me or bids me farewell. Well, lots of people have said bye to me, but no one has yet bade me farewell. & since I am always impressed by everything, for practical reasons I can’t say it whenever someone impresses me! Or else my speech would be replaced entirely with QALPA QALPA QALPA QALPA QALPA QALPA & we wouldn’t get anywhere. I only managed a few today, but I’m sure I’ll work it in more in the future.

Anyway, I went to the video store to 4. get The Prisoner but they didn’t have it. Harder to find than the Criterion Collection, even! & I still had to go 5. hang out at a comic book store. I’ve ordered the series from Amazon & it should arrive Monday-ish. Till then, 6. no other TV! That shouldn’t be hard. I don’t watch TV anymore.

I figured the comic book store might close at 5:00 so I rushed on over to make it there shortly before four. After all, I had to 7. spend at least a full hour there! Made it by about 3:40 & thus began my education at ELFSAR.

Not quite sure what I was supposed to be doing, I approached the guys at the front desk, Ethan (owner & proprieter) & Omar. Told them I’d need to hang out for an hour. First, did they have the 8. Sandman series? Second, did they need help with anything? Like unpacking boxes? I mean what else would I do in an hour? I could tell from their responses they thought that was pretty weird. They explained that people hang out in comic book stores all the time. Oh. I never realized that these places are hang outs. I thought they were just places where you buy things!

I was kind of at a loss as to what to do. I asked them about role playing games & Klingon. I don’t know what kind of geek Mr. Trafford is, but he said that role playing games last 4-8 hours normally. These guys said they can be as short as an hour! & that four hours is a long time. Relief! I’ve got to do one of those games tomorrow. Sounds like it won’t be the chunk of time I thought.

Then Omar politely showed me where the Sandman was.

He pretends to show me for the very first time.

WHAT? It was four enormous volumes that would’ve taken up almost my entire budget. Ridiculous! No way! But wait… I pulled up Trafford’s directives & consulted Omar very seriously about them. There must be a loophole. There must. There must.

Omar & I discovered we both love e.e. cummings.

Where is the loophole?

Omar & I discovered we both like Yeats.

Where is the loophole?

Omar & I debated the grammar in Ben’s phrasing: You must get either Neil Gaiman’s Sandman or Warren Ellis’ Transmetropolitan series of graphic novels.

I hold that I was not legally required to get the Sandman series & thus could get only one book. Omar thinks that for my case to stand up in court a comma would be needed somewhere. Hmmm.

Then he hit upon it! There are lots of Sandman series.

Them's just jokes, baby.

I picked up TWO, because I am a kind & generous overachiever. Omar & Ethan, fluent in all things geek, assured me my logic was airtight!

I just had another half an hour or so to kill. Not so bad! But what else was I to do.

Suddenly it struck me. Did they have cartoon pornography?

YES! Omar helped me find some erotic comics, exactly to my taste!! One of them is by a local artist called Cinema Sewer. Adults Only! I got the “Shocking Times Square Special!” — can’t wait to break that out of the plastic.

& then, THEN I found out that there are erotic comics based on fairytales! Be! Still! My! Heart! I picked up some sort of preview edition of Beyond Wonderland. Perfect for the project.

I'm sorry there's gum on it.

Omar also showed me a delightful book, wrapped in plastic, that was very thick & fancy looking. It’s called Lost Girls & it’s banned in the UK. It’s full of the pornographic exploits of various fairy-tale characters like Dorothy Gale & Jack (of Beanstalk fame) & Alice & so on. Wow! I kind of lusted after it, but it was over $50 & I hadn’t even seen inside. So I reluctantly set it aside.

Comics ARE fun. At this point, euphoria set in. I experience a lot of euphoria lately. Omar & Ethan were my very first mentors! They guided me through my conversion experience & once I was one of them we were ready to have fun.

We celebrated with lightsaber fights!

By George! I think she's got it!

Only the good (comic book store proprieters) die young!

It was so fun I could barely stand it! We started to talk about the exact nature of the project & this week’s participant (After explaining, I said: 9. “Hey, you sass that hoopy Ben Trafford? There’s a frood who really knows where his towel is!” — whatever that means).

Then we hit on a great great idea. They could comment on my blog from the store, right before my eyes! In my very presence.

Wonderful!

& they then composed a comment more masterful & hilarious than my wildest dreams. You’ll see it under this week’s schedule. But I want it preserved for posterity here:

Exploiting loopholes with this strange girl who has entered our shop. Our Geek is stronger than your geek, Ben. Maybe one day you will meet her too, and we have never even heard of her. She played with our lightsabers Ben and she liked it, in fact she is playing with them again as we speak. She has been seduced by the dark side of our force.

Ben,
we looked at your directives and found your lack of geek disturbing, come visit us and learn from the masters.
http://www.elfsar.com

These guys have blown all other gold star candidates out of the water. I paced around the store laughing hysterically for around half an hour. (“Like the laughter of children” said Omar). By now I’d spent much longer there than required. It was past 5:00! Ethan headed out & I decided I’d leave too, but first… oh I was very dizzy. I faint sometimes. & last night took a lot out of me! I just needed to… sit down for a moment & catch my breath.

I sat down with my head on my knees. But even the chair seemed awfully high. I crawled to the ground. “This is so embarrassing!” But Omar assured me that he sees much stranger behavior all the time. He fetched me a little cup of water & an Ugly Doll for a pillow. Oh, Omar. He’s so dreamy. I’m not sure if it’s a Geek Week version of Stockholm Syndrome or what, but I think Omar is seriously dreamy. He’s probably taken, but ladies, if not– RUN, don’t walk, over to Elfsar & try to pick him up!

I lay on the ground for awhile.

Today I am all funny faces

At first I would try to sit up when people came into the store but then I realized that a comic book store is the absolute best place to behave like a weirdo. Even though I was doubled over on the ground laughing quietly to myself & using a doll as a pillow, most people did not even give me a single glance! Have I found my people? Well, not exactly… but maybe I will stop by Elfsar every now & then for naptime. I also have another project related idea that incorporates the store. But we’ll see.

When I sat up, Omar treated me to a blue Powerade (yuck, but good for me? “Do geeks drink this?” I asked. & he said yes & told me about the history of Gatorade). Then, he even took the aforementioned Lost Girls out of the plastic! & I read it while I recovered. It was VERY obscene!

Storytime comes after naptime.

So fun. I can’t believe I got to spend so much of the day sitting on the floor of a store with a stuffed animal, reading pornography & being waited on by handsome men! I recovered around 6:45 & left just before closing at 7:00pm.

The only problem is that I don’t really like comic books. Why can’t other stores be as fun as this one?

Anyway, I hope the men at Elfsar know they can help me exploit my loopholes anytime.

I returned home, ordered The Prisoner, then spent some time 10. link-following or whatever Trafford calls it? Then I headed out to 7-11. I thought that in order to think like a geek I should probably eat like a geek. So I got some ramen noodles, dill pickle flavored potato chips, Kraft Dinner, & Dr. Pepper. (I was supposed to 11. drink something fizzy & caffeinated).

Chancellor's tender ministrations are probably inspired by Omar

Then, after a light appetizer of pickle chips, I dined on ramen & egg. Then I 12. watched the intro to The Prisoner, which was all I could find online.

I also watched The Prisoner.

You know the one.

I thought a bathroom mirror self-pic, especially with mirror-face, especially with a sign, especially if said sign contained allusion to Pinky & the Brain, would be appropriate for Geek Week. Also, before you ask, I wrote it backwards. But that doesn’t make me a geek. DaVinci entertained himself similarly, I believe.

Now all I have left to do is 13. read my Sandman before turning in. Tomorrow I have to do some role-playing, blahh. I still don’t exactly know what it is. I talked to a few guys in Elfsar about it & asked them if there’s anyway I could do a really boring kind. Like I’d really like to do a roleplaying game where I’m Janet from Sales & I’ve got to return some pillowcases but Madison gets out of daycare at 6:00 & I don’t know if I’ll have enough time anyway how will I stop the dog from chewing on the coffee-table & does my husband still find me attractive? But apparently nobody does that kind of role-playing. Maybe I can invent it.

So tired! Hope I don’t faint while walking the dog.

Comments : 23 Comments »
Tags: 7-11, adults only, airtightness, Alice, Amazon, anecdotes, backwards writing, bathrooms, be still my heart, behavior, blogging, blowing out of the water, born again, brightness, budget, business, caffeine, candidates, casinos, chairs, chips, closing, coffee, Coin of Destiny, comic book stores, comics, commenting, conclusions, consultation, conversion, correspondence, crawling, Criterion Collection, delight, directives, dizziness, double entendre, downstairs, Dr. Pepper, dreaminess, drinking, e.e. cummings, ELFSAR, embarrassment, entertainment, eroticism, escapism, essays, Ethan, euphoria, everyday speech, exploitation, exploits, fainting, fairytales, familiarity, farewell, feeling, fluency, formatting, fun, geek week, geeks, generosity, getting the picture, glances, going out with a bang, gold stars, grammar, hanging out, ideas, impressing, irrelevance, keywords, killing time, Klingon, knees, Kraft Dinner, laughter, lightsabers, local art, logic, loopholes, lost girls, mentors, mirror face, misrepresentation, my people, my wildest dreams, naptime, Neil Gaiman, nerdiness, nerds, New Years Eve, obscenity, Omar, overachievers, pacing, participants, peppering, perfection, phrasing, Pinky & the Brain, plastic, politeness, pop culture, pornography, posterity, Powerade, presence, preservation, previews, punctuation, ramen, reading, ridiculousness, role playing games, roleplaying, Sandman, schedule, seeing, self-examination, self-pics, series, signs, sitting up, standing it, Stockholm Syndrome, strangeness, stuffed animals, sunshine, talking, tanning, telling it to the courts, the Chancellor, the ground, the internet, The Prisoner, the project, time, Trafford, trivia, TV, Ugly Dolls, understudies, upstairs, waking up, weirdoes, welcome, wobbles, wonderland, writing, Yeats
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 9, Day 6

9 09 2009

I’m almost done being lived by the Baileys! It’s been a long & exciting week.

I’ll tell you right off that you can’t expect any pictures. I lost my iPhone! & I can’t find my camera. So you will have to attempt (difficult, I know) to use your imaginations.

The Chancellor is happy to have me back.

That’s all you’re getting from me. Let it be inspiration enough.

Today was a very long day. It began with me waking up with fewer than five hours of sleep under my mother’s dining room table. I’d 1. Flipped The Coin of Destiny the night previous & I had to leave in the morning. Earliest ferry was 10:30. I left a note to that effect on my dining-room-table-tent. (You can watch the whole architectural process, if you’re so inclined, in the post below). Anyway, I woke up & had fifteen minutes to get ready. A few blueberries, pieces of bacon, & hard-boiled egg later, & I found myself back in the trusty family Volvo, ready to face the future.

I nearly missed having a future at all. Arrived at the ferries with just minutes to spare! Bought ticket, raced in. As I was about to text TD with a snide comment about the supremely Canadian “Female Washroom” sign in the terminal, realized my phone was gone. The horror! Probably in my mother’s car?

Felt my cell like a phantom limb the whole ride back to Vancouver. Though eventually it began to feel like a timeless, underwater state. A little bliss in that, I’ll admit.

I’m supposed to 2. Flip The Coin for all minor decisions. I was lost enough & discovered a way to circumnavigate it. I wouldn’t make any decisions. For the next several hours I followed my impulses without thinking about them, much as I always do. I bought the New Yorker & read it on the ferry. The wrongful execution story prompted a tear or two.

Then I took the (non-express) bus back to the city. Braden had my keys & I had no way of getting in touch with him, but I remained very calm. After an hour or so on the bus (insane man explaining to us that the Japanese kill heroes, but he, on the other hand, was a military captain of Jesus, here to spread the “Don’t worry, be happy” word!), I exited with my suitcase & headed for a nearby coffee bar with wireless access.

Sent some desperate emails. Jess! Call Braden! Sipped tea. Still no decisions. I was kind of like a Vulcan. Or at least a Vulcan as I understand it from watching Trekkies– never seen an episode of Star Trek in my life. I unquestioningly followed my own logic & no hemming & hawing or coin-flipping was necessary. Smart. I eventually got in touch with Braden & headed to his work to get my keys.

We stopped for sushi. I selected commenter Suzanne’s either/or directive. 3. Hot drink or cold? I got tails. I eschewed the free tea in favor of a non-free can of coke.

I eventually made it home around 5:00. Long day at the office.

Meanwhile, tonight’s date AND my back-up date were supremely MIA. I made a deal with Braden & he promised to be my third go-to man if the date ultimately fell through. I waited for Braden to get off work & accomplished some of my directives.

I 4. consulted the I Ching to see which Radio Lab podcast I should listen to. I got Hexagram 42 (Augmenting/Increase) with the alternate 24 (Return). Obviously, I was to listen to “Time.”

I 5. Listened to it.

Perhaps it’s because I think about time a lot, but this was the first Radio Lab which failed to fully impress. I’ve always experienced time differently than others, & I suppose I’ve also researched time a little — maybe this is why none of the information in the program was particularly new or surprising to me. Or maybe I was just busy. Eventually, I listened with half an ear. My favorite quote? “The joy of time is when you lose it completely.”

I admit, I experienced time VERY differently today. I had no phone– & thus no clock. I made very few decisions. & it lasted a pleasant eternity. Things were soon to speed up, however.

Should I email the team at Radio Lab & ask them to participate in my project? 6. Flipped. Yes.

Did. Unfortunately, when/if they come to this site, they’ll be presented with this rather dull & photo-less entry. But that’s part of destiny too, I suppose.

Then I emailed the Bailey sisters. We’re all to go to the casino tomorrow. I 5. flipped The Coin to determine the details. Results?

1. Jeans hoodie and sunglasses
2. Hard bar
3. Go with two others
4. Bike
5. Red lipstick
6. $81 spending money

I emailed them with our destiny.

Magali responded:

Grand. What time? Want to come here first or shall we meet there?

So many people have decisions for me!

TAILS: we’ll meet here.
HEADS: they’ll pick the time.

There you have it. Suddenly time began to move very fast! I was prepped for a quiet night with Braden, when I received an email from tonight’s date! A flurry of planning began. Then I left my house almost immediately. Took the skytrain (for the first time) to the movie theatre where most of tonight’s date was to unfold!

In our pre-chat, we realized we have a lot in common. Not only is he from Ann Arbor (what coincidence!), he’s also lived in LA. Then 6. I flipped The Coin to see if I could get popcorn. NO. But then they made it fresh. 7. Now? YES.

As far as my directives go, should I remind you of the details?

no makeup
indoor
(nighttime)
pants
hair down
booze
smoke
don’t talk about project
goldfish

So anyway, we went to watch Inglourious Basterds. I was certainly 8. wearing pants & definitely had 9. no make-up & my hair was almost 100% 10. down. We were 11. indoors, of course, & it was 12. nighttime. I 13. didn’t talk about the project either. We 14. drank some covert whiskey in the theatre. By the time the strudel scene rolled around he turned to me & asked if I wanted to leave. Um, yes?! A man after my own heart! There is nothing I love more than walking out of a movie!

I’d resigned myself to watching the whole thing (eyes closed during violence, of course) as I thought it was part of my destiny. But normally I would not be so patient. I didn’t have to make a decision, however: he wanted to leave too!! We walked out. Giddy with joy.

Then he suggested we drive to a bar. I 15. Flipped the Coin of Destiny & it said he wasn’t a serial killer. Ok. The coin is never wrong.

In the parking garage, his pick-up truck suggested otherwise. Or perhaps I misread the NRA sticker? Or the stained twin mattress, empty coconut shell, length of rope & metal tools in the back. Still, who am I to argue with fate? & if he killed me, well — any publicity is good publicity. I told him that God was watching him & if he was going to murder me, he should do it gently. We got in the car & 16. smoked a cigarette before heading to the bar.

Cigarettes are a filthy habit, but I don’t have any control over my directives.

Then we split a pitcher of beer & my new friend Joe attempted to seduce me. It was an admirable effort, & it certainly would’ve worked on me if I were 17. I told him as much, then gave him helpful pointers for the future. Though he’s already very good & he probably doesn’t need them. Speaking of 17, I attempted to work 17. goldfish into the conversation. I had a particularly good lateral thinking question in mind. But as the topics of conversation would not veer from lesbian experimentation, the kind of sex I had with my ex-boyfriend, & his work in the air conditioning business, we never quite reached the transcendent realm of lateral thinking. I eventually forgot all about it, as I was having too much fun. I’m sorry. I’ve failed you.

His knuckles were all taped up. I asked him if it was from cutting up prostitutes. But much to my relief, it was nothing like that. Just a run-of-the-mill barfight. I was very impressed.

Then, against my better judgment, we went back to his apartment where…

I waited for my cab! He was a true gentleman. You know, on plentyoffish (the dating website I was required to sign up for this week) we were 97% compatible. That’s why I went with him. & despite our vast differences on the surface, I sense a kindred spirit within. I have to say I was very fond of this guy. We’ll stay in touch (we better!) & I’m going to be his wingman (I hope!). I’m a really good wingman. Also he is a DJ & he can introduce me to some electronic music.

Actually I kind of love Joe. He says I think too much but I love him anyway. Do you hear that, Joe? I love you!

Now it’s time for bed. I’m going to sleep for a hundred years. Sorry about the lack of pictures, but my phone will arrive in the mail tomorrow or day after. If I wake up with a long white beard I’ll be sure to document it for posterity.

Give me some more either/or’s! I still have one day left. So excited for casino tomorrow. Though I’ve never been to one & I don’t even know the rules of poker, that just makes it more exciting.

Comments : 12 Comments »
Tags: admirable efforts, air-conditioning, Ann Arbor, apartments, augmentation, bacon, barfights, bars, beer, bliss, blueberries, Braden, buses, cabs, Canadianisms, casinos, circumnavigation, clocks, coconut shells, coffee bars, Coin of Destiny, coincidence, Coke, cold drinks, compatibility, control, correspondence, dates, dating, deals, decisions, departure, desperation, destiny, difference, directives, DJs, driving, early rising, eggs, enough, eternity, ex-boyfriends, excitement, execution, exiting, experimentation, failure, fate, female washrooms, ferries, filthy habits, flipping, fondness, forgetting, gentlemen, getting in touch, getting ready, giddiness, God, goldfish, hair, hemming & hawing, hexagrams, hot drinks, I Ching, imagination, impulses, indoors, Inglourious Basterds, insanity, inspiration, iPhone, Joe, joy, keys, knuckles, LA, lateral thinking, lesbians, listening, logic, long days at the office, looking forward, loss, love, Magali, make up, mattresses, men after my own heart, metal, MIA, movies, murder, my better judgment (against), New Yorker, nighttime, NRA, online dating, pants, patience, phantom limbs, pick up trucks, pitchers, planning, plentyoffish, podcasts, pointers, popcorn, prostitutes, publicity, Quentin Tarantino, quotation, Radiolab, reading, resignation, return, Rip Van Winkle, rope, seduction, serial killers, sex, skytrain, sleep, smoking, speed, Star Trek, strudel, suitcases, sushi, Suzanne, talking, tape, TD, tea, tears, tents, The Bailey Sisters, the future, the project, theatres, time, timelessness, tools, transcendence, Trekkies, Volvo, Vulcans, walking out of movies, whiskey, wingmen, wireless
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 9, Day 5

8 09 2009

& thus another long & strange day of being lived by The Bailey Sisters draws to a close! I hardly know where to begin. I could tell you where I end: on a pile of cushions underneath my mother’s dining room table. But how did I get here? Let me turn back the clock & lead you by hand.

I woke up this morning to Jess on the phone. “I’ll be outside at nine!” she told me.

“Yes, of course!” I responded cheerily, reflexively hiding the fact that she’d just woken me up. WHY was she calling me before 7:00am? As I hung up I saw the time on my cell phone. 8:47! So it looks like my alarm didn’t go off after all.

Somehow I made it out the door. Bella was very excited that we were about to go on a long trip but her face when I reached the door & begin to leave without her nearly killed me! I could hear her mournful wails in the elevator. But Jess will have taken her for a walk tonight.

only destiny is awake

Stumbled into the car (I’ll buy Jess breakfast another day) & began the drive to the Horseshoe Bay Ferries. Today I was supposed to travel with 1. the soundtrack provided by the Bailey sisters. The soundtrack turned out to be silence. & the occasional song + static on Jess’ car radio. It’s ok. It lent an air of reality to the whole thing.

Fortunately I made it. Did Jess come with me? No. The Coin of Destiny had determined that I would 2. travel alone. Travel alone I did, bleary-eyed & unbathed as any decent hobo.

Once on the ferry, I 3. flipped the Coin to see if I could have Coke for breakfast. NO. 4. Coke with breakfast? YES! Well, what do you know.

I 3. ate out on the ferry, not sure if I’d have a chance on the island. There’s a photograph of the meal for evidence, but do you really want to see a picture of a tray of egg & toast? The most exciting part is the big paper cup of Coca-Cola. Boy does that stuff make my heart sing.

After a few bites of mystery meat & so forth, I headed to the top deck. Where I pondered things.

i should be wearing a yellow pantsuit

Then I found a seat & (rather sheepishly) 4. consulted the I Ching to see which 5. Radio Lab podcast I should listen to.

sixteen going on seventeen

Well I got Hexagram 16 (Following) with the variable Hexagram 17 (Providing). The answer is clear, right?

“Choice.” That’s what I listened to. It was good & relevant in a way my notes on it aren’t. It lasted just as long as the ferry ride. Then I got off the ferry.

On the way up the gangplank or whatever it’s called I flipped the Coin again.

Do you think because I’m in Nanaimo, the Nanaimo bars are extra good? (NO)

Eventually I encountered my mother, who greeted me by doing what she soon explained was 6. a goldfish dance. Intriguing. & very strange. That wasn’t my plan for “goldfish” but it seemed to be destiny. I decided to keep her goldfish dance as a back-up.

On the drive over, I faced a barrage of decisions. Did I want to go horseback riding? Which of the following seven restaurants did I want to eat at? & what about Christmas plans? Did I want to drive a few hours for oysters? Sit in the front seat? So many decisions! I politely refused to make any of them, & things calmed down a little. Though accidental attempts to force me into decision-making did recur on occasion throughout the day. If I flipped a coin for each of the options my mother gave me, I’d probably be floating in a hot air balloon somewhere over Mexico right now.

Just how do you think I got where I am today?

We ate out again. At a pub. For lunch.

Eventually, we arrived at my mother’s home. She headed out with her husband to buy a trillion oysters & I, after coordinating some things for the project, (& seeing a friend’s post on facebook about a sick goldfish getting an injection at a fish hospital in India!) took the family station wagon out to 7. Qualicum to see the Free Spirit Spheres.

I traveled alone & in silence. As specified by The Coin. Oh I also had a 8. lighter in my pocket.

I got lost, but only a little. Isn’t it nice out there?

HESITATE

That’s me turning around.

oh, bother

I eventually found the spheres but, as I suspected, no visitors without appointments. My fault? No. 9. wasn’t allowed to make reservations so I wheeled back around. But someday I’d like to go stay in those spheres. They sound interesting.

Disappointed? Remember what they tell you on inspirational posters. It’s about the _______, not the ___________.

& this was a journey full of interesting private revelations.

On the way back I picked up a bottle of wine for dinner & remembered I had to flip for a 10. either/or directive set provided by one of my commenters.

I selected Ben Trafford’s, & ended up with HEADS.

why, kissing is gross?

I have to 11. tell you why I think kissing is gross.

I believe I said something to that effect on Twitter a long time ago?

Anyway, kissing is gross, I don’t just think it is. The human mouth is absolutely filthy, much filthier than a dog’s mouth, & it’s a little strange that people like to put their mouths on each other’s mouths & lick each other’s tongues. Did they always do that? Before dental hygiene? I certainly hope not.

I like to think they call it French kissing because the English didn’t do it at all until recently.

However, just because I think kissing is gross doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it on occasion. You don’t kiss with your brain, you know.

Satisfied? Titillated? I wouldn’t be, but to each his own. Next!

Several hours later, I was back in my mother’s home. On 12. the water.

not pictured: shoes, ships, sealing wax

She’d returned with an absolute bounty of oysters! Five dozen, to be precise. First, her husband put some on the grill.

(Cover your eyes, Ptolemy! I’m about to have a wholesome good time).

So I ate a barbecued one. I hope you don’t get fired for looking at a picture of it:

oh dear.

Then I set to work shucking. I’ve never done it before but I became very good very quickly! I think I may have found my calling. I only cut myself once. I prised open an oyster & told it “HA! Serves you right for being an oyster.” & then it cut my hand. I was very proud of it.

gluttony is its own reward

The oyster, not my hand.

I asked the coin if I should pick one of these three to release into the wild.

tails. sorry guys.

So I ate 36 oysters. A dozen for each Bailey sister. Proud?

& then tucked into a dinner of steak.

I flipped The Coin periodically throughout the day in several minor, uninteresting situations. Eg., on the theme of steak “Should I put Tabasco on?” So you get the point.

After dinner, we explored the obedience of the dog by balancing meat on his paws & cheese on his head.

there's got to be more than this

Then it was time to 13. Go camping.

The video is rather long, but full of voyeuristic delights. & I think you should see the kind of ingenuity that runs in the family.

After my tent was set up, I went for a walk along the ocean.

As for my date tomorrow? I’m flipping now.

no makeup
indoor
pants
hair down
booze
smoke
don’t talk about project
goldfish

As for Vancouver, should I go back in the morning or afternoon? (MORNING. noooooooo.)

Once I’m done with this entry, I’ll go to the water again. I’m supposed to do something involving a 14. poem, I believe. I’ll attempt to write out there. But if that fails, I’ll recite something.

Then? To bed:

q. did you hear about the fire at the circus? a. it was in tents

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Week 9, Day 3

6 09 2009

You know what? I’m having trouble concentrating. You know why? My 1. house is a mess. You know why my house is a mess? Because I 2. flipped a coin which determined it would be so.

You know why I flipped a coin? Because I’m being lived by the Bailey sisters. You know why the coin said my house would be a mess? Because I selected commenter Suzanne’s either/or proposition: 3. heads: clean/tails: slob. Today I’m a slob.

The table is covered in empty beer bottles, soda cans, scraps of paper, plastic cups full of scraps… of plastic, & empty containers of breath mints & fish eggs.

I'm in a mood again.

I took a picture & I’d post, but it’s too humiliating. As if, friends, I haven’t suffered enough indignity!

Keep your either/or propositions coming. Through Wednesday, anything is fair game.

Back to the matter at hand. The day’s directives.

Today I was to 4. toss The Coin of Destiny to determine small decisions & 5. consult the I Ching to determine big ones. This is old hat by now & I did not keep track of each of the many, many minor decisions I made today. The remembered ones will turn up, now & then, over the course of the post. The forgotten ones are forgotten (or unspoken) for good. But suffice to say they’ve certainly shaped my destiny.

Shortly after waking (flipping the coin for a series of mundane decisions) I made plans for tonight’s 6. date. Answers (those previously determined in parentheses)?

makeup
(nighttime)
outdoor
pants
hair up
no booze
smoke
don’t talk about project
goldfish

Then I arose for the day. I 7. consulted the I Ching to divine the answer to the question “What should guide me today?”

I got hexagram 64 (Not Yet Fording / Before Completion) with the alternate 32 (Persevering / Duration). Themes included incomplete transition from disorder to order, necessity of “helpers,” drinking with moderation, cusp of new era, marriage, & the lines “what endures is the unswerving directive, the inner law of his being, which determines all his actions.” Right. Of course.

Obviously, I was intended to listen to Radio Lab’s 8. “Stochasticity” podcast. After a double espresso & plenty of procrastination, that’s just what I did.

Notes?

“If you don’t see past yourself you fall prey to superstition”
“We have to be careful not to find meaning here when in fact it’s just coincidence”
“On the subject of predictability, humans & coins are similar”
“At the very moment you think you’re hottest you’re actually freezing cold”
“Pattern rules the brain”
“One of the best things about gambling is that you can do it by yourself”
dopamine & pattern finding — “this is how your brain makes sense of reality”
“The noise is filtering itself”
The blog is the organizing principle keeping me sane — should I stop writing it?

It was very informative. I won lots of solitaire too. I 9. Asked the coin for details for my Monday trip to Qualicum. Answers?

travel solo
with Bailey Sisters soundtrack
camp
eat out
lighter (not matches)
water (not earth)
poem (not short story)
no reservations
goldfish

So that’s settled. I had a few more questions. 10. Should I write to the Radio Lab people (NO). Should I 11. Make a video? (NO). Then I asked 12. Should I go shopping? (YES). I procrastinated some more.

Went shopping, coin-guided. I 13. Called my father on the way & purchased 14. The shoes the Coin told me to & didn’t buy the sweater it told me not to. The coin was wrong, however. Shoes are strange & too small. I will return them tomorrow on my day off & buy the sweater I wanted all along (forbidden by coin).

Soon it was time for 15. Date #2. I had Simon (of Week 3 fame) as my ally. He picked me up around 8:00 (I was wearing 16. make-up & 17. pants, 18. hair up) for our outdoor, goldfish-including date. He greeted me with a bowl of 27 19. goldfish (three to the third, I believe! Correct me if I’m wrong, but if so, appropriate)

Cause they're so delicious

We headed out to release them in the pond near our very first “date.” One of them was dead already, sadly. But we thought maybe the fresh pondwater would revive him. Before you ask, yes. These are the sort of goldfish that you’re supposed to put in ponds.

From here, proceed left

We released the goldfish into a little pond. I feel very bad because I think I killed some in the process. But most of them swam off very happily. Bats flew above them & some nearby nudists conducted some full moon ritual in the ocean nearby.

We went for a short walk. We 20. Didn’t discuss the project.

Then we headed back into the city proper. We had dinner reservations & some time to kill, but a 21. no booze restriction! Did have to 22. smoke however. Went to a hookah bar.

How does THIS thing work?

Simon was curious about Fate & it’s workings as well. He wanted to know if he should buy a new raincoat. He decided to flip The Coin of Destiny to determine his answer.

Well, it's very expensive, but...

Coin said? Worth it.

Puff the Magic Dragon approves.

TD called while I was in the hookah bar. “Why did you go to a hooker bar on a date?” he asked. Ha. I enunciated each word clearly. Oh. Who was I with? Simon! He remembered Simon.

“The balloons! Magical.”

Yes, everything is magical.

Then we had to race to make our dinner reservation.

We ended up at a very nice French restaurant. STARVED. So it was perfect.

No booze! No booze! We struggled with this. But wasn’t our date over? After all, we were indoors & all tasks were accomplished… let the Coin of Destiny do the talking?

Date? Over!

So from then on we enjoyed a real post-date dinner as friends. Booze included, & as much talking about the project as we desired. After all, this was our six week anniversary! Simon & I only see each other infrequently, so this allowed us some much-needed catching up. I’ll have you know, however, that during the two hours project-talk was verboten, we had plenty to talk about regardless. Wrinkle-mouthed bats, for one thing.

Dinner was delicious. Escargot! Steak frites! All reasonably priced. & well-earned bottle of wine to top things off.

A ______ at the end of the __________

After dinner, headed to a local bar.

Just checked my pockets to flip The Coin to determine an answer to a very pressing question. Well, I’m absolutely broken up. I can’t find it anywhere. I even went outside & looked around. How could I have lost The Coin of Destiny? This is extremely troubling, as I’ve come to rely on it. So much that I intended to carry it around with me forever.

I can’t tell you if I’ll find it. I certainly hope I do. At the same time, it seems unlikely. If I don’t encounter the coin in my searching, I may only presume that it’s destiny of another nature & I’ll substitute another.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Tomorrow is my day off. The next time you hear from me, I’ll be speaking to you from Qualicum.

WHERE IS MY COIN?

FOUND IT!!

As for my question:

Should I begin asking my readers a daily question?

NO.

Well, it serves you all right for commenting so infrequently.

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Tags: beer, trouble, shopping, deliciousness, correspondence, decisions, mess, tasks, directives, completion, dates, bars, magic, accomplishment, balloons, concentration, Simon, questions, information, release, fate, guidance, destiny, loss, walking, commenters, verboten, dinner, travel, order, the project, steak, wine, cleaning, TD, home, waking, bottles, details, ponds, math, Coin of Destiny, I Ching, The Bailey Sisters, dating, flipping, Radiolab, propositions, either/or, espresso, inclusion, Suzanne, slobs, scraps, caviar, breath mints, humilation, indignity, fair game, the matter at hand, old hat, keeping track, perseverance, disorder, stochasticity, procrastination, Qualicum, goldfish, murder, nudists, rituals, full moon, hookah, smoking, determination, raincoats, hookers, French food, booze, regardless, wrinkle-mouthed bats, escargot, frites
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Week 9, Day 2

5 09 2009

What an awfully long day. I hardly know where to begin! My feet, yes, are aching from walking all over the city in heels, but physical pain is easy to transcend. I am, however, psychologically & intellectually exhausted. I’ve been ON from the moment I woke up. Already I’m… seeing stars?

Where shall we start? Where shall we– star!

Try not to star

I suppose that now is a good time to tell you that today I have a 1. STARRING problem. The Coin of Destiny has decided that each day I’ll let one of my commenters provide me with an either/or directive. I select my favorite directive set & then 2. flip the Coin to determine which directive I follow.

This time round, facing stiff competition I might add, Magali won! I was to either 3. have a starring problem or a woopie cushion & the sense of humor of a three year old. Well, I found the starring problem very fascinating. I believe she MEANT staring, but that’s not what she said. I 4. flipped & found myself with a serious starring problem. Just look at the comments on below entry for proof!

By now, with several comment responses & a few emails behind me, I have my starring problem somewhat under control. You should see at least one instance of starring in each of the following paragraphs, but I am stifling the urge to pepper everything liberally with asterisks. Not that it doesn’t take an awful amount of self-control!

Today I woke up, as one does. I did some serious coin-flipping. If your future is written in the stars, well, the Coin of Destiny was my direct link to them.

Should I return library books & mail things today? (YES)
Should I do it before or after coffee & 5. podcast (Tails: AFTER)
Should I watch the rest of the movie tonight after blog, or earlier in the day? (Heads: AFTER)
Should I stay out of Ptolemy/Allyson clash? (YES)
Should I shower now or later? (Tails: LATER)
Before or after chores? (Tails: AFTER)
Should I get out on the other side of the bed today? (NO)

& thus I got out of bed, starry-eyed at prospect of day ahead.

I 6. Consulted the I Ching to see which Radio Lab podcast I should listen to today. I got Hexagram 49: SKINNING (open surface, interaction, free, responsive, unhindered mouth; joy, radiance, burning, brightness, congregation [as of stars]). It seemed pretty clear that I should listen to 7. “Emergence.” Glad I did.

Skipped downstairs to pick up coffee (coins in my coin purse bright as stars) then headed back up to podcast myself into oblivion, or its reverse.

Played solitaire as I listened. I’m a true star when it comes to solitaire. I win at least three games for every two that I lose. I must conclude that the stars are, in solitaire — as in everything else — on my side. So appropriate for the theme of the podcast too. I sat sipping my espresso & clicking away at the seemingly random cards, occasionally sacrificing my score in the timed games to take the notes you’ll see below:

“order materializes out of nothing”
E.O. Wilson writing name in ants
“every time it happens it happens by accident [...] error is architecture”
“local unplanned decisions add up into macro-unit that has a personality”
you’re looking at an author? vs. empty of purpose. which?
emergence = science of “how many stupid things can add up to something smart”
jellybean guessing!! — is this why voting makes sense? [apparently, if you get a roomful of people to guess the number of jellybeans in a jar, the averaged number of their guesses is typically unusually close to the actual number-- much closer than any individual guess. This was discovered by a pioneer of the eugenics movement. Forget which one]
“to see the world as a coherent thing is a miracle”
is there a conducter?

Few facts are included in my notes, as it’s the facts I remember most easily. The ideas of others, however, I have to write down. If you want the facts (&, I assure you, the facts are interesting ones!) I encourage you to download the podcast yourself. It’s free on iTunes. Anyway, do you see a pattern materializing in my notes? Can you read my dreams & anxieties therin? Does the apparently arbitrary pattern seem appropriate? Is there an order materializing “out of nothing”? Commenters, consider. Work for that daily gold star.

Paused here last night. It's been on my screen all day.

It was then time to head out for my chores. Didn’t exactly want to, but who am I to rail against the stars?

I went to the library to return some books. I also needed to mail things to Allyson & her friends/family, as required by Week 8. First, the library. It was nice to be there. I’ve been in school for the last 22 years (with only one exception). Everyone else is heading back to school & I miss the gold stars & pencil cases of my youth. I put my books on the conveyor belt & felt wraught with indecision. A flurry of 8. Coin-governed decisions followed:

Should I get another book while here? (YES)
Poetry or fiction? (FICTION)
Male or female author? (FEMALE)
Someone I’ve read before? (YES)
American or no? (NO)
Margaret Drabble or Iris Murdoch? (MARGARET DRABBLE)
Gates of Ivory? (YES)

So there you have it.

Then I 9. asked the Coin

Should I get a drink here? (NO)
Big post office or little post office? (BIG)

so I tripped down the sidewalk as if walking on stars. Signed up for ZipCar on the way. Then headed towards the post office. Nothing can stop the swift completion of my appointed rounds!

All of this fate made me thirsty! I 10 asked:

NOW can I get a slurpee? (NO)
Something else to drink? (NO)
Can I get a slurpee when I get to the 7-11? (NO)
After I’m inside the 7-11? (NO)
Something else? (YES)

Well, finally! I went to the 7-11 in a sulk, where oh em gee. The gods knew more than I did. The slurpee machine was under repair! Alas for my star-crossed lover (the slurpee). But it wasn’t too late for me. I got a coke.

Once home, I 11. Consulted the I Ching very seriously to see where I should go for Monday’s trip. Insert star for some reason.

Quest question 1.

This was a long, drawn-out process that required several questions. I do not want to reveal the hexagrams I got for each question, as they veer a little too close to home. Suffice to say, it’s not uncomplicated. & the hexagrams recurred with shocking frequency! Many reappeared more than twice. But I got my answer, after asking the following:

Should I go to Qualicum on Monday?
What will it be like if I go Monday, specifically?
Is it the best option?
What would a different trip look like?
Is it foolish to go to Qualicum instead of elsewhere?
What good will come of me going?

It may not be the happiest option, but I believe it is the best. It seems to be in the stars for me at least. I’ll determine the details of the trip a little later. All this had me very contemplative.

I took my long awaited shower. (I sang songs about stars).

Then I 12. Let the Coin of Destiny determine the details of tonight’s date. It told me:

wear makeup
& skirt
put my hair up
drink booze
smoke
don’t talk about the project
no goldfish

I accomplished everything like the star I am (soon to be).

Met my new friend Brendan for coffee. Arrived on time (13. nighttime) & observed him from a distance. Was it him? I 14. flipped the Coin of Destiny. YES. Introduced myself. Told him I couldn’t talk about my you-know-what (I’m a real star with the [lack of] fine print!).

After chatting for awhile, we went for a walk along the sea wall. & then to Chinatown, where 15. The Coin told me we should go to a bar before going to the market. Gold star for me & my multi-tasking.

I'm pondering just what you're pondering

We went to a bar (16. indoors, of course) where Brendan used to work as a barback. We walked through the very dangerous East Side. It’s a good thing I’m such a trusting person & that Brendan is a man of an not-to-be-named-but-honest line of work, as I could’ve certainly ended up hacked to pieces in a ditch somewhere. At the bar, we got in without cover because Brendan is so popular around town. A VERY LOUD band was playing. It felt like stars were exploding in my ears. I could almost see stars circling around my head, as in an old time cartoon. I have a picture of the bar, but it’s not any good. We left after one beer.

On the walk back, feet blistering, we went through the market. What fun! I got some sticky rice (my first meal of the day!) & STAR STICKERS! Perfect for my starring problem.

Brassieres not included

Then we started the long walk home, my blisters near (not to be too graphic) the breaking point. Well, mission accomplished? I flipped 17. The Coin of Destiny to see if the date was over. It was! So now I was allowed to talk about the project. & I did.

Our starry (k)night

We stopped at another bar where I compensated Brendan for the beer he’d bought me on our date by buying one for him. He saw lots of people he knows. He’s a real star in this town.

I’m done with/for today now. All I have left to do is watch the rest of Scenes of a Marriage. I’d normally go to bed but the coin doesn’t see that in store for me. In star for me.

Bella & the Chancellor are cuddling in the corner, though Chance occasionally takes off to chase a ladybug hovering around one of the light fixtures. Did you know that when I lived in Michigan my house was periodically infested by ladybugs? & do you think Bella & the Chancellor know that they’re stars on the internet?

Speaking of the internet, stats are slipping & I’m not happy about it. It’s not a top priority of mine (as I obviously have a lot of other things to take up my time), but it does make it easier to get through the day when I know there are thousands (& not paltry hundreds) of people rooting for (or against) me. Remember, gold stars equal presents when the year comes to a close. & this week (perhaps this week only!) you commenters get a hand in my fate! Comment with either/or’s & I’ll incorporate one of my favorites into the following days.

What's in (y)our stars?

Thus concludes another day (in the life) lived by the Bailey Sisters, starring Emily Zinnemann. It’s raining now. When it comes to a walk, the dog will have to wait. She seems happy to(o).

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Categories : Uncategorized

Week 9, Day 1

4 09 2009

Very, VERY sleepy! This is my first day of being lived by The Bailey Sisters/I Ching & it’s not even over! Thankfully, the Coin of Destiny told me I could take a break from watching my movie to write this blog. So here I am.

Today, I began a week based solely on chance. Large decisions are to be decided by the I Ching (trans. Rudolf Ritsema & Shantena Augusto Abbadini) & small decisions by the Coin of Destiny provided by the Baileys. Already this year I have surrendered my life to chance– this is only highlighted by the open-ended nature of the Baileys’ assignment(s) for me!

As soon as I awoke, I flipped the Coin of Destiny to decide what I should do.

The Coin of Destiny has spoken

1. Heads, I get up. Tails, I stay in bed & read I Ching.

Tails. I read the introduction. Then I asked my trusty oracle if I should 2. (Heads) get up or (Tails) go back to sleep. Tails. I went back to sleep.

Slept for a VERY long time. Until 1:00, nearly! But I was still recovering from last night’s dinner party. Eventually I got out of bed. I then 3. Consulted the I Ching to determine what the best days for (a) travel (b) gambling & (c) dating are.

The I Ching is rather complicated & I’m not sure how well I can explain it here. I won’t attempt to explain the process. Suffice to say, I flip three provided pennies six times &, using some simple calculations, divine my answers to the questions posed.

The first question I asked was 4. when I should go to the casino. Is Tuesday the best day? I was presented with Hexagram 6: arguing, conformity, pitfalls, etc. That didn’t sound good! Is Wednesday the best day? Hexagram 34, “The Great’s Vigor” seemed to suggest so. It suggested that Harvesting & Trial were central motifs. So I’ll go with Wednesday.

I then asked if Monday was the 5. best day for travel. I was presented with Hexagram 2 (Space: Spring, growing, harvesting; trial belonging to the female [horse]; directed going; beforehand delusion, afterwards acquiring; Western South: acquiring partnering; Eastern North: losing partnering; Peaceful Trial: significant) with the variable Hexagram 16 (Providing; Harvesting: installing feudatories, moving legions). There were also other images & signs associated with each hexagram (& the variable lines). I took this as a positive & will travel (where?) on Monday.

Then I asked how today would be (The Great Possessing! Spring, growing). Friday (conjunction [esp. of thighs!], repenting, holding onto one’s following [hint, hint]; providing, trial, lateness, procrastination)? Saturday (conjunction: purpose located outside, yielding not harmful; Great’s Vigor: vigor, discipline, pitfalls, significant trial, versatility, losing the goat?!)? Tuesday (The Radiance: harvesting, trial, growing, female, significant). I concluded that 6. Friday, Saturday, & Tuesday would be the most “auspicious” days for dating.

Some of the day's notes

Now to 7. create a profile on plentyoffish.com. I’ve never used a dating website before. One out of two of the Canadians I know, however, seem to swear by this place. I 8. Flipped the Coin of Destiny to determine if I should create a fake profile or a real one. Tails. I made a real one.

How could you say no to this face?

I created a profile under the name “publicemily.” Very clever, if I do say so myself.

Here’s what my profile says (though if you’re already on plenty of fish you can check it out for yourself):

I’ve never had an online profile before but I’ve been ordered to set one up by this week’s puppetmasters!

I just moved to Vancouver in July. I’m easygoing, well-read & up for anything (except boredom & violence). I have a big dog, a dark sense of humor & a taste for old movies. I like wearing dresses & drinking whiskey &/or champagne. Into fine dining (on a modest budget), blackberry picking, & OF COURSE long walks on the beach!

I get along with anyone who is relaxed & confident. You don’t even need a sense of humor.

I’m a card-carrying writer who is spending the year being lived by other people. I’m only on Week 9 but it’s taken me lots of interesting places so far… Mormon churches, wheelchairs, the stands of Lions’ games. But the best is yet to come.

This week, three sisters have given me the order to use the I Ching to govern all my major decisions & the flip of a coin to determine the minor ones. They had me set up this profile, & I’m supposed to go on three dates, with three different men! I used the I Ching to determine the best days for these dates, & they are: Friday, Sept. 4; Saturday, Sept. 5; & Tuesday, Sept. 8. That’s where your help comes in!

[EDIT: Found my dates! That was fast. But this profile will remain up until my week ends next Wednesday, just in case anyone wants to attempt to sweep me off my feet.]

My schedule is very open as this project is my work for the year. So if you’re free on one of the above days & I like the cut of your jib, let’s get together for some casual fun! I don’t have use of my car at present, so I’d like to stick close to downtown if possible.

If things go well, I might even give you a week! If you like, you can see more about the project at livedby.com

I tried to make it at least moderately enticing. It seemed to work! I have a date for tomorrow (he contacted me) & one for Tuesday (I contacted him). I’m also going on a “date” with Simon on Saturday. So there’s a good variety there. I also got other requests! Be still my ego. I’ll leave the profile up till the end of the week.

Fate is great.

I was supposed to 9. flip the Coin of Destiny to determine whether my dates would take place at day or night. Most of the flipping I’ll leave to the day of, as I like to save things for the last minute. But for practical reasons I flipped for the times today. Tails every time, for night. By now I was beginning to think the coin was weighted.

I also 10. flipped to see if my Friday & Tuesday dates would take place indoors or outdoors. Results? Indoors for both.

What fun. Then I 11. consulted the Coin for several other things. Heads is always yes, in my book. Tails, no.

Should I Skype Andrew (NO)
Should I call Jess (NO)
Should I call Kyla (YES)– so the coin isn’t weighted. But she wasn’t in.

Meanwhile, Bella decided she wanted to lie outside on the balcony for several hours.

At first I thought she was dying, but she just wanted some sun.

Then there were more things to be decided.

Heads: Take out; Tails: Cook (HEADS)
Heads: French fries; Tails: Something healthier (HEADS) — why, whenever I let God into my life, does he tell me to eat french fries?
Are my fingernails too long? (YES)
Should I cut them? (YES)
Right now? (NO)
Should I put on make-up? (NO)
Should I change my profile picture on Facebook because Ptolemy made fun of it? (NO)

I headed out for some french fries.

Should I go (back to that shop window I passed) & look at those boots? (YES) — I didn’t like them as much as I thought
Should I start wearing an anklet in an attempt to bring the anklet back? (NO)

It’s nice having this coin. I don’t know what I’ll do without it!

Probably contract fewer contagious diseases.

Probably contract fewer communicable diseases.

Once at home, I consulted the coin once more. Should I

Heads: Stay in & watch Scenes of a Marriage or Tails: Go out for a movie (HEADS)

So that was settled. I was also supposed to 11. listen to a Radio Lab podcast to be determined through divination. I consulted the I Ching. It presented me with the primary Hexagram 41 (Diminishing), 14 (The Great Possessing) as a secondary. Both had a lot of interesting things to say, but both emphasized the significance of spring. I decided my podcast would have to be made in the spring. That left me with the options of “Time,” “Where I Am,” & “Stochastisity.” I determined that “Where I Am” would be the best option, as one of the hexagrams had, as a central image “three people moving.”

Should I listen to the podcast before or after the movie? 12. I flipped– heads. I’d listen before.

Time for the liquor store, I thought. 13. Heads: beer, Tails: wine. I flipped tails. Disappointment! Poured a sip of wine into a mug.

14. NOW can I buy some beer? (Yes)

Went to the liquor store, where the 15. Coin of Destiny selected a Granville Island IPA.

Then I headed back home where I 15. listened to the day’s podcast while playing some computer solitaire. It fascinated me for all the right reasons, but now I’m drowsy & can’t articulate anything. The central theme was the relationship of the brain to the body. It was very elucidating.

If you're a Chosen Person you can balance a large coin on the bridge of your nose, directly over 3rd eye. Thanks, G-d!

Then I started my movie. Very good so far. I also had an idea. During the movie, I 16. Asked the Coin of Destiny if it would be a good idea to let my commenters in on this week’s game of chance. YES.

This week (& this week only!) commenters may propose, each day, an either/or activity for me. I will select my favorite proposal from the comments, flip The Coin &– according to the answer (heads for option 1, tails for option 2)– I will perform the proposed task. It’s best if you keep the day’s schedule in mind– nothing too time-consuming or difficult to execute. But that’s not to say it can’t be psychologically significant– it can be a large over-arching task that I may work into the day’s directives (eg., wear a hat all day, speak without adverbs, smile at every person I see etc.) Get to work, worker bees!

Then I continued to watch the film. I paused right after Johan told his wife he was leaving her. I had a question. 17. Should I pause to take the dog for a walk & write my blog? (YES).

So I took herself out for her nightly constitutional.

Witness a dog who grew up in elevators.

Now I’m back. & it’s time to finish the movie.

This has been a fun & rather relaxing day so far. I have always possessed the blessed combination of indecisiveness & superstition, so living according to chance has, thus far, been liberating rather than challenging for me. Also, this is the first week in AGES where I don’t have to post practically everything that I eat. That has been an absolute joy.

Tomorrow I’ll have my first date & determine, using the I Ching, where I will travel on Monday. Stay tuned, friends. & if any of you have other translations of the I Ching & would like to offer alternate readings/guidance, I welcome it. This particular translation is somewhat difficult to interpret.

It’s likely I will fall unconscious on the couch attempting to watch the rest of this very long film. But– you must know how this is– I want to see what happens.

Comments : 36 Comments »
Tags: tomorrow, time, beer, dog walks, reading, superstition, dinner parties, correspondence, favorites, spring, Bella, decisions, cleverness, relaxation, tasks, directives, happening, assignments, dates, balconies, radio, ideas, body, Simon, greatness, questions, film, challenge, weeks, complication, brain, indecision, french fries, yielding, guidance, commenters, travel, late rising, heads, wine, movies, decision, reality, explanation, themes, waking, sleepiness, couches, variety, calculation, chance, Coin of Destiny, I Ching, The Bailey Sisters, breaks, surrender, highlights, tails, introduction, oracles, recovery, consulting, gambling, dating, processes, pennies, flipping, divination, casinos, hexagrams, argument, conformity, pitfalls, vigor, harvesting, trial, space, conjunction, following, radiance, auspiciousness, plentyoffish, swearing by, fakeness, profiles, publicemily, online dating, enticement, moderation, requests, indoors, fingernails, anklets, Ingrid Bergman, Scenes of a Marriage, Radiolab, podcasts, NPR, diminishing, posessing, significance, liquor store, solitaire, drowsiness, articulation, elucidation, propositions, liberation, translation
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 7, Day 6

26 08 2009

Today was my first good day of being lived by Fernando. I’m not sure what it is. The company? The light at the end of the tunnel? Or the inevitable resignation to the week which comes, each week, by Monday? Anyway, friends, it was good. Or good enough.

I woke up early, as usual, but had to 1. stay in bed until 10:40 (up late with Jess [P] I didn’t make it to bed until 2:40 last night). I find when I’m confined to bed until a particular hour, I experience a much greater sense of impotence than I did when “paralysed” & confined to a wheelchair, as in Week 6. I tossed & turned, & read some of the Nicholson Baker book I picked up recently.

Then arose. Did some light housework while Jess was in the shower & then made some tea for her (hot 2. water for me) & chatted before she left for lunch.

Jess, artfully backlit.

As she prepared to leave, I 3. prepared my breakfast of oatmeal. By now you know the drill. I 4. added some blueberries as it was cooking & then 5. sweetened the whole mess with honey. Said my goodbyes to Jess & got on the phone with a future participant (not to give too much away, but it involves a vineyard!).

Meanwhile, Bella finished my mostly uneaten oatmeal.

Mairzy doats & dozy doats

Then I waited… & waited… & waited for Braden to arrive so we could 6. watch La jetée/Sans soleil.

Just as I gave up & started the movie(s) he arrived. We had a grand old time with the films.

They seemed a little dull at first & throughout. I eventually liked the first one very much. The second one made me awfully sleepy, & there was a particularly horrible moment in which I had to watch a dying giraffe with spurts of blood coming out of the gunshot wounds on either side of its neck. That woke me up a little.

By the time the second film ended (& it seemed interminably long) I realized that the movie was not boring, exactly. Rather, it so closely approximated a dream state that it was impossible not to feel very sleepy as it was going on. I can’t say I exactly enjoyed watching it, but after it was over I felt I was in a heightened state of consciousness. I’ve never seen a film quite like it before. Nor a film quite like the other one (composed almost entirely of still snapshots & a voiceover). Each worked within an entirely unfamiliar genre & I was certainly improved by watching them. It’s hard to explain, though I’m sure I could do it if I wasn’t so tired right now. If you’re curious, I recommend that you watch them for yourselves.

Bella & Braden fell into deep post-Sans soleil slumber.

I 7. Read the booklet that came with the DVD. I liked it much better than the other one. There was a short interview with Chris Marker (the director) & I appreciated his refreshing snarkiness.

Woke up Braden, & began my long 8. walk to the 7-11. Then we sat in a park, where I was to 9. Write whatever came to mind. Prompted by Sans soleil, I decided to write a list of the first 10 things I saw which “quickened the heart.” I would have liked to take corresponding photographs, as it seemed only right, but I’d left my phone at home, sadly. Here’s the list.

glint of bearded man’s septum piercing
pigeon coasting on an updraft
brown water moving over green tile inset in stone moat of fountain
tree with a knot in it, small manageable size
congregation of pigeons bathing on ledge of fountain
skull patch on arm of sweatshirt belonging to 1. as he leaves park
my shoelaces are still too long (I always appreciate this extravagance on part of designer)
shadows of pigeons on blue, sky-colored wall
long ears of Wiemaraner disappearing behind wall of red flowers, smoke coming out of owner’s nostrils
airplane noise? passing train? buses. like movement of wind over mouth of cave/breath over neck of a bottle

So there, I’ve 10. posted what I wrote.

Then I went home, where I prepared my 11. no-carb lunch. It’s an exciting new take on cucumber sandwiches. I cut open a cucumber & scraped the seeds out, then put a can of tuna in the middle. With some seasoning & mayonnaise for good measure, of course.

Curiouser. & curiouser.

I ate this bizarre concoction. I 12. took my time, enjoyed it.

Then, after some more Nicholson Baker, I read a random page from 13. Luis Cernuda’s Written in Water. The poem was “Time.” The final paragraph of the poem reads:

There, in the absolute silence of summer, underscored by the murmuring water, my eyes open to the clear half-darkness that heightens the mysterious life of things, I saw how time can hold still, suspended in air, like the cloud that conceals a god, pure and weightless, never passing.

Quite appropriate. It encapsulated the strange sensory experience I’d been having since the movies ended very nicely. Right down to the murmuring water.

I went about my chores.

Then I finished my (somewhat pornographic) Nicholson Baker book on the couch. As soon as I was done, I had a call from TD. He was outside! He’d finally arrived! I took out the garbage & then joyfully went to greet him.

After I got dressed in normal clothing, we went for a 14. walk. Where did we walk? To 15. dinner. It was delicious, if carb-less. He consumed the entire contents of the breadbasket. Good. It was otherwise too tempting to me. We got some oysters & he had some chowder & I had some steamed clams. I would’ve taken a picture but I’d forgotten my phone again.

Upon returning home, TD took the dog for her nightly constitutional & I sat down to 16. write for an hour. Here you see the result of that writing.

Tomorrow we have a very busy day. Not only do I have to accomplish all of my directives for Day 7, I also have to run some errands, rent a car, & ferry over to Galiano Island, where a family friend has graciously agreed to lend me a house for the first few days of Week 8. Quite excited. Next week we will witness a new strain of vicarious living, perhaps more true to the intentions of the project. It’s being choreographed by a certifiable stranger (only the second true stranger we’ve seen).

All I have left to do is 17. abstain from use of electronic devices in the hour before bed & 18. go to bed at 2:20am. I’m at this point so well-versed in Week 7 that I have the whole schedule down by memory. Staying up late will be hard to do– I have almost three empty hours looming before me, along with a house guest who will certainly be asleep well before 2:20am.

I suppose I will occupy myself by responding to comments, handing out a gold star, & maybe picking up another book to read before turning in.

Oh, the fun of it.

Comments : 9 Comments »
Tags: absoluteness, addition, agreement, airplanes, appreciation, appropriateness, arms, arrival, bathing, beards, bed, Bella, bibliomancy, bizarreness, blood, blueberries, blueness, booklets, books, boredom, bottlenecks, bottles, Braden, breadbaskets, breakfast, breath, buses, business, calls, cans, cars, certainty, chatting, chores, chowder, Chris Marker, clams, clothing, clouds, color, comments, company, confinement, congregation, couches, cucumber, curiosity, cutting, days, death, deliciousness, designers, dinner, directives, disappearance, dogs, dream states, dullness, ears, electronic devices, encapsulation, ending, enjoyment, errands, extravagance, eyes, family friends, Fernando, film, finishing, flowers, forgetting, fountains, friends, fun, Galiano Island, garbage, genre, giraffes, God, gold stars, good measure, goodbye, goodness, greeting, half-darkness, heightening, home, honey, horror, house guests, housework, impotence, improvement, inevitablity, intention, interviews, iPhone, it's hard to explain, knots, La jetée, leaving, ledges, lending, length, light at the end of the tunnel, liking, lists, Luis Ceruda, lunch, mayonnaise, memory, men, moats, moments, Mondays, mouths, movies, murmuring, mystery, necks, never, niceness, Nicholson Baker, night, noise, normality, nostrils, oatmeal, occupation, outside, owners, oysters, pages, paragraphs, paralysis, parks, participants, passing, pictures, pigeons, poetry, pornography, posting, project, purity, quickening, randomness, reading, recommendation, red, renting, resignation, response, results, right, sandwiches, Sans soleil, seasoning, seeds, seeing, senses, sensory experience, septum piercings, shadows, shoelaces, showers, silence, size, skulls, sleepiness, smoke, snapshots, snarkiness, sound, spurts, states of consciousness, staying up, stillness, strangeness, strangers, summer, suspension, sweatshirts, sweetening, taking one's time, tea, temptation, the future, the heart, the sky, tiles, tiredness, tossing & turning, trains, trees, truth, tuna, unfamiliarity, updrafts, vicarious living, vineyards, voiceover, waiting, waking up, walking, walls, water, weightlessness, Weimaraners, wheelchairs, wind, writing, Written in Water
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Week 6, Day 6

18 08 2009

The end is near.

This was Day 6 in a wheelchair. Of course, I also had other things to accomplish.

Today seemed as if it would be quite taxing, but in fact it was one of the better days I’ve had so far! Funny how it always seems to work out like that.

First I 1. got up & showered. I’m getting used to showering in a wheelchair. So at this point, it was fairly routine. Fifteen relaxing minutes in above the tub.

Then, around one-ish, Olivia arrived & we 2. Took Bella for a walk. This is the first time this week I took the dog myself! Bella was pretty good. I kept running over her toes & at one point she was attacked by two off-leash toy poodles. The owner shouted, from a safe distance, “If she bites it will teach them a lesson!” Certainly, if the intended lesson was death. But Bella seemed to understand I didn’t have the strength to wrangle her & stood very still as the poodles jumped all over her, biting & yipping. Lucky for them. She’s not always so tolerant.

After this, Olivia & I 3. Headed to the Vancouver Art Gallery.

Speaking of chairs,

I didn’t feel like going to the museum on a nice sunny day, but actually it was very pleasant & relaxing. It took us an hour to get through the exhibitions. I was expecting that it would all be Canadian artists, but, thank God, it wasn’t! It was a show of 16th & 17th century Dutch realist painters.

There was also, for some reason, a reconstruction of a 1950s household. I felt very happy rolling about in it. As if I were in Mad Men! But with none of the disappointing Season Threeness.

We would have got better pictures, but we had to be very sneaky. Photos, after all, are verboten in art galleries. I got Olivia to pretend she was texting on my phone & finally we got one.

By the way, I look kind of fat in the picture to the right. I’d like to tell you all that that is the material of my skirt & shirt! Not, in fact, my stomach. If you remember the spandex photos, I am blessed with an essentially flat stomach. Vanity! will be the death of me.

I was supposed to 4. Spend two hours in the exhibitions, but there wasn’t exactly two hours of looking to be done.

Nor was there time to look & eat (part of 5) before everything closed down. So I may or may not have accomplished that particular directive. I certainly have spent beyond two hours in the exhibition in my heart. It’s stuck with me all day, in fact. Also, I’ve never been to the VAG (of all acronyms, Vancouver, really?) — never WOULD have gone, & now fully intend to return. So perhaps I’m on a payment plan? This doesn’t feel like a failure, but it possibly is. I’ll leave it to you to decide. Please note, too, that I was on the property of the VAG for at least 3.5 hours.

My "pity me" expression could use some work.

After wandering through the exhibit, we 5. went to the Gallery Café for lunch- it was certainly difficult & interesting to 6. find the alternative entrance! It involved all sorts of tricks. Intercoms, elevators, secret passwords– but eventually we made it.

Also, I was mistaken for Kyla for the first time this week! I knew it was bound to happen & am somewhat surprised it hasn’t happened sooner! When we were younger (19-ish), we were often mistaken for identical twins. As life has taken its terrible toll on our faces, we no longer get that much. But evidentally one woman at the museum still sees the resemblance. I’m flattered!

I’ve wanted a nose job FOREVER & I always tell Kyla that if I ever scrape the money together I’m going to ask for her nose.

The food was mediocre but the company was very good. Olivia & I don’t know each other that well (she’s one of my friend’s younger sisters) but we bonded over all sorts of topics. & now we are actual friends!

Also, we managed to get a bucket of beer for happy hour price, though it was not yet happy hour, because I was in a wheelchair. So that lubricated things a little.

My only sunshine

Olivia doesn’t like this picture of her but I felt I had to put it up. She’s too adorable! If she asks me, I’ll take it down.

After lunch, we hung out & chatted by the fountain. Kyla called me earlier today &, unprompted, cancelled one of her previous directives. I was supposed to 7. Sit outside on a busy street and hand out Emily, Lived By: postcards & get a friend to do the same on a street nearby, noting the difference in attitudes between my experience & that of my friend’s.

Well, I ALWAYS accept cancellations (though not last minute additions to schedule). Olivia & I were both pleased that we didn’t have to humiliate ourselves in this manner. You can imagine what it would have been like– it’s the idea of doing this that’s most important, really. Me enacting it for you all would not have made much of a difference. I commend Kyla for (with, I promise, no pressure on my part!) recognizing this.

Olivia & I delighted in the unexpected free time. Sat by the fountains & pondered life. So forth.

Olivia & her sisters are also on board to do a collaborative week. So we discussed that a little. Very excited to learn that their week (though I don’t know the details!) will be a real departure from many of the somewhat mundane self-improvement schedules I’ve encountered so far. Lately, my schedules, though very improving, have been a little dull– or at least, psychologically unchallenging– for me. So it’s nice to know the tides will shift soon. Perhaps this shifting will provide a good example for future participants!

Look at Olivia. What a saint. She practically glows!

Fortified by our new freedom, etc. we headed to a bar. Where we drank two pitchers of beer– goodness! Can you believe I’m writing this so coherently?

Olivia will also accompany on my directives tomorrow. We’ve plotted up a way to make them more interesting.

She helped me wheel home & before she left I gave her my copy of Suze Orman’s Young, Broke & Fabulous, as I think it might help her sort out her credit card troubles. Thanks, Mom, for Week 1!

Now I have only a few things left to do. I’ve 8. Relaxed & also 9. Spent time writing my blog.

I just have to 10. Make dinner & eat (I’m thinking some cheese puffs?) & finally 11. Lie in bed & contract my muscles from head to toe, working down my body including face, fingers and toes. Contract each muscle for 30 seconds, release, then go to sleep.

It will be done AND done.

Regarding the coming week: I received my schedule two days late & overwhelming majority of commenters proposed that I take two days off but blog about both of them. Looking at the schedule, I see that it’s not too taxing. It’s kind of weird to blog about my days off & I really hate the idea of not doing this project for three whole days in a row.

SO. I’ve decided to compromise: I will take one day off. I will blog (& project) for five days of the week, but have a rare two day weekend. In the future, as Ben Tilly has suggested (uncannily in line with my thoughts), I will have understudies ready to step in & late schedules will no longer be a problem.

Hi up there!

If any of you have complaints, you can address them to the Chancellor.

I’ve also come up with an amazing plan for my final week. You’ll just have to wait till then to see what it is.

See you tomorrow!

Comments : 24 Comments »
Tags: 1950s, accompaniment, accomplishment. working out, adorability, alternative, bars, beer, Bella, bending the rules, biting, blogging, bonding, buckets, cancellation, challenges, coherence, collaboration, company, complaints, compromise, correspondence, credit score, decision, departures, difficulty, dinner, directives, discussion, distance, dog walks, Dutch Realism, elevators, enactment, entrance, examples, exhibitions, fat, flat stomachs, fountains, freedom, galleries, happy hour, intention, intercoms, interest, iPhone, lateness, lessons, life, looking, lubrication, lunch, Mad Men, making it, mediocrity, mistaken identity, moms, mundane, muscles, museums, nose jobs, Olivia, payment plans, pictures, pitchers, plans, pleasure, plotting, pondering, poodles, property, psychology, relaxing, return, routine, secret passwords, self-improvement, shirts, showers, sisters, skirts, sneakiness, spandex, stillness, sun, Suze Orman, texting, the Chancellor, the end is near, the future, the VAG, tides shifting, toes, tolerance, tricks, tub, twins, understudies, Vancouver Art Gallery, vanity, wanting, weather, wheelchairs, wrangling, YF&B
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 6, Day 1

13 08 2009

Today was my first day in a wheelchair! I’m currently on hour four.

I took a long time accomplishing the day’s directives. Knowing I had a lot to do, I stayed in bed for a long time, almost till noon. I felt I needed to conserve as much energy as possible.

I did my directives out of order. But that’s just how I roll.

When I eventually got up, I 1. Wandered around making sure things were at a reachable height & made my home more accessible (took my plates out of the cupboards, removed a shelf from my fridge, cleared space in my closet, etc.) ran some errands (bought household staples: dog food & whiskey), then went out in the rain to 2. Get a chair to use in my shower for the week. I don’t have use of my car, so there was only one store option. Thankfully, though I did not find a chair under $100 (?!) they did have a little vanity stool. I have full use of my upper body so I figured that would do.

Then I 3. Took Bella for a half hour walk. Ten minutes of that was her standing resolutely on a patch of sidewalk staring into traffic. Neither of us were really feeling it.

I'm not a trained monkey.

With the “walk” done, I headed to Kyla’s, full of nervous anticipation.

After chatting a bit about the project, gossiping about the commenters, & handing over the week’s texts (Kyla is, by the way, a model participant. Not only has she provided a wheelchair for my use, she has thoughtfully procured the week’s required books, & will provide stickers & postcards for assignments later in the week. Take a page from her book, slackers!)

We also tried– & failed– to upload her video to YouTube. For some reason the file is enormous & we can’t figure out how to compress it. Maybe she’ll make videos on my trusty little MacBook later this week. At present, you’ll have to do with a video from me. Keep reading. It’s a little further down.

From then on it was all business. 4. I got into the wheelchair I will be in until Sunday morning. She showed me how to transfer myself onto a sofa without using my legs. We didn’t know how I’d get into my bed… it’s almost chest height when I’m standing up. Eventually we decided that I would just use my legs as little as possible when climbing into it. But that didn’t seem right!

There was also the problem of the shower. I soon realized, once I experienced the exertion of getting onto a sofa, that there was no way I could navigate over a five inch ledge from a wheelchair onto a rickety little stool without cracking my head into pieces. It took some brainstorming, but we’ve got it!

I have a bathtub with a flat square edge & a detachable shower nozzle. I could put the stool in the bathtub. Then, when I needed to shower, I could transfer from the wheelchair to the tub’s edge & then to the stool. I was happy! It feels good to figure things out.

That’s one of the things I’ve been thinking today– a lot of people are talking about how difficult this week is (like they talk about how difficult every other week is), but what they don’t seem to realize is that with the completion of every task comes an extraordinary sense of accomplishment. Many people spend their lives trying to avoid challenges, when, in fact, facing challenges is one of the most rewarding parts of life. It’s a cliche, but a cliche to live by.

It may be difficult to live one’s life for a year according to arbitrary directives, & it is certainly much more difficult to live with a permanent spinal cord injury, but there is a real pleasure in having problems– the pleasure of figuring them out. I discussed this with Kyla & she concurs. I believe the Mormons, scientologists, athletes, & other exceptional individuals I’ve encountered in the past month & a half would all agree.

Honestly, & perhaps this is premature as I’m only beginning Week 6, I feel that my mood is best during the hardest weeks.

As a sidenote, I’ve noticed the following general pattern in my temperament:

THURSDAY: methodical, meditative
FRIDAY: manic, delirious
SATURDAY: essentially normal
SUNDAY: total hibernation
MONDAY: happy, at home in schedule
TUESDAY: irritable– very
WEDNESDAY: bored & lazy

Weird, right?

Facing things

I still had to 5. go grocery shopping (without leaving the chair, obviously).

I headed to the store, accompanied very generously by Kyla’s caregiver, Petra (pictured beside me).

Wow. Rolling up even a slight incline is extremely difficult. I made it myself most of the way but occasionally Petra had to step in.

Buying food wasn’t the hassle I thought it’d be. I’ve always been an impulse shopper & I just grab whatever’s at eye level. So this works just fine for me so far.

Petra helped carry the basket & groceries up to my apartment. I wouldn’t have been able to do it myself, I realize.

Once in my apartment, we reached another ingenious solution to the bed problem– we took out the boxspring! Or, more accurately, Petra took it out for me. Now, using the transfer technique Kyla taught me, I should be able to transfer myself into bed. Then she helped me move the stool (& my shower products– couldn’t reach those from wheelchair!) to the bathtub. It’s hard not to feel guilty for accepting this help, despite knowing that I can’t really do anything to help myself.

Then Petra left. & I put away the groceries. How did it go, me in a wheelchair & all? Check out the video.

Then I 6. made dinner. Kept things simple with a tuna melt. Good call on my part, though the sandwich was fairly disgusting. Doing things in a wheelchair really does take a lot longer. Especially with a dog underfoot. Very grateful this apartment is so accessible though.

I still have to 7. read excerpts from a book on disability (Eli Clare’s book was out so Kyla provided me with a few alternatives) & 8. Write a 500 word essay for Kyla.

Oh, I’ve also got to 9. Go to sleep & have good dreams. Well, as a child I was a lucid dreamer & I’ve always considered sleep one of my favorite hobbies (until this year, apparently) — but anyway, I’ve lost the knack for stuff like that & can’t guarantee what my dreams will be like tonight.

I am very, very, very, very, very tired. & tomorrow will be a very long day. I’m not sure what the blog will look like this week, but I feel I should remind you (as I often remind myself) that this blog is NOT the project. My life is the project. The blog is merely a medium by which I inform you of how the project is going.

I do love the comments though. It’s nice to know I’m not shovelling everything into a void! It would feel much lonelier, I think, & more meaningless without the eyes of hundreds of strangers on me.

I’m very excited for this week. But Bella is worried. I knew she knew the sound of my footsteps by heart, by the way. But I did not know that she didn’t know my voice! When I wheeled up to the door she started barking, & didn’t stop even when I reassured her. Then she ignored me when I came in, excitedly greeting Petra. When she realized it was me in the chair, she was very embarrassed, leapt into my lap, & started licking my face.

She’s not normally that demonstrative. & now she is sticking much closer to me than usual.

Comments : 24 Comments »
Tags: video, sleep, time, dog walks, whiskey, reading, blogging, laziness, groceries, comments, failure, dreams, shopping, food, licking, Bella, feelings, essays, goodness, sandwiches, dogs, books, thinking, boredom, directives, bed, schedules, arbitrariness, difficulty, moods, assignments, help, rewards, accomplishment, nerves, happiness, chatting, loneliness, worry, ingenuity, life, rain, YouTube, normality, postcards, meaning, knowledge, childhood, dog food, solutions, showers, stores, weirdness, navigation, sidenotes, meditation, challenges, energy, cliche, Sundays, closeness, traffic, technique, legs, gossip, commenters, Mormons, athletes, cooking, wheelchairs, disability, hours, noon, conservation, order, rolling, how I roll, late rising, accessibility, height, plates, cupboards, shelves, refrigerators, closets, errands, staples, chair, vanity stools, upper body, sidewalks, feeling it, anticipation, the project, text(s), stickers, slackers, MacBook, problems, exertion, sofas, ledges, my head, brainstorming, bathtubs, need, avoidance, spinal cord injuries, figuring out, scientologists, exceptionality, prematurity, temperament, patterns, methodical, mania, delirium, hibernation, irritability, caregivers, inclines, stepping in, baskets, apartments, boxsprings, transfers, bathing, tuna melts, lucid dreaming, hobbies, losing the knack, tiredness, shoveling, the void, sounds, footsteps, knowing by heart, voices, wheeling, reassurance, greeting, embarrassment, leaping, demonstrativeness
Categories : Uncategorized

Week 5, Day 7

13 08 2009

Friends, it has been another long day. My days, however, will only get longer!

The schedule for next week is up, along with my participant’s bio. Due to technical difficulties, her video will follow tomorrow.

I got the schedule a day late. In the future, I will take one additional day off for each day the schedule is late. The psychological demands of this project are enormous & I believe this is only fair. Kyla’s schedule, however, is so extraordinarily good that I have decided to fulfill each of her directives without complaint.

Now it comes to the day at hand! I 1. Woke up early (no small feat, considering the antics I was up to last night). After posting the below entry, I went back to bed for a long while. Then I 2. ate a salad, 3. warmed up & 4. ran two miles. I am so proud of myself! For the first time in my life, I ran a full mile without stopping! It took me nine minutes & fourteen seconds. I 5. stretched afterwards.

I have yet to 6. weigh myself, but I can assure you that I am much slimmer. As of yesterday, I had gained one pound. Of muscle, I presume.

In the shower following I delighted in my new (soon to be lost) muscle tone.

Adam had also informed me that there was free outdoor yoga at 5:00pm & he would “like for me” to attend. His desire was duly noted. Since I was very busy, had no yoga mat, & am a lover of loopholes, I did not oblige. Let this be a lesson to future participants! Phrasing is everything.

I feel guilty but only a little.

Then I had another nap. By the way, the Chancellor’s beverages of choice are: diluted whiskey, balsamic vinegar, & contact lens solution. Keeping these things out of his reach requires constant vigilance. What’s his deal, anyway? & as a kitten, he loved olives. Also lighting himself on fire.

Today I also had to 7. climb five trees. What a chore! Fortunately, I recruited Simon, my blind date from Week 2, & we went to Stanley Park. He very obligingly held my purse & took pictures with my iPhone while I accomplished my directives.

Onward, ho.

Onward!

This one was particularly filthy. & I had to leap into Simon's arms when I was done.

Downward, dawg!

Mission? Accomplished.

Then we sat on the beach & watched the sunset, drinking some leftover wine. Simon is my new BFF!

Also, by the way, I found some blackberries. Blackberry picking has always been one of my favorite activities.

The worst part of everything was that I had to 8. go dancing. I’m excellent dancing in darkened living rooms, but not a big fan of other scenarios.

We went to a blues club (where, I might add, I saw the whitest blues I’ve ever heard!) & it turns out everyone there was swing dancers. They had special shoes & everything. It took us about an hour to gather our nerves. After some liquid courage, we got up on the stage & danced for approximately one minute. No pictures, thank god. We left partway through the song & never looked back!

I hope that Simon & I will continue to platonically date until the end of time.

9. Drinking nothing but water has really taken its toll on me. Tomorrow I will subsist entirely on slurpees.

All I have left to do is 10. Core exercises. I’ll exercise my core like there’s no tomorrow.

Unfortunately for me, there is a tomorrow. Fortunately, it’s a tomorrow in which I learn what it’s like to live as a paraplegic. Next week should be an incredible experience for all of us.

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Tags: yoga, bending the rules, pictures, Stanley Park, rules, whiskey, the future, slurpees, naps, dancing, iPhone, blackberries, goodness, the Chancellor, directives, BFF's, accomplishment, blind dates, Simon, olives, pride, lateness, water, liking, lessons, experience, desire, salad, weigh-ins, weight, running, warm up, miles, early rising, muscles, stretching, purses, s, fitness, slimness, muscle tone, delight, yoga mats, loopholes, obligation, phrasing, guilt, balsamic vinegar, contact lens solution, vigilance, kittens, fire, trees, climbing trees, chores, the beach, sunsets, living rooms, scenarios, blues, swing dancing, gathering nerves, liquid courage, leaving, platonic love, paraplegic
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