I’m almost done being lived by the Baileys! It’s been a long & exciting week.
I’ll tell you right off that you can’t expect any pictures. I lost my iPhone! & I can’t find my camera. So you will have to attempt (difficult, I know) to use your imaginations.
The Chancellor is happy to have me back.
That’s all you’re getting from me. Let it be inspiration enough.
Today was a very long day. It began with me waking up with fewer than five hours of sleep under my mother’s dining room table. I’d 1. Flipped The Coin of Destiny the night previous & I had to leave in the morning. Earliest ferry was 10:30. I left a note to that effect on my dining-room-table-tent. (You can watch the whole architectural process, if you’re so inclined, in the post below). Anyway, I woke up & had fifteen minutes to get ready. A few blueberries, pieces of bacon, & hard-boiled egg later, & I found myself back in the trusty family Volvo, ready to face the future.
I nearly missed having a future at all. Arrived at the ferries with just minutes to spare! Bought ticket, raced in. As I was about to text TD with a snide comment about the supremely Canadian “Female Washroom” sign in the terminal, realized my phone was gone. The horror! Probably in my mother’s car?
Felt my cell like a phantom limb the whole ride back to Vancouver. Though eventually it began to feel like a timeless, underwater state. A little bliss in that, I’ll admit.
I’m supposed to 2. Flip The Coin for all minor decisions. I was lost enough & discovered a way to circumnavigate it. I wouldn’t make any decisions. For the next several hours I followed my impulses without thinking about them, much as I always do. I bought the New Yorker & read it on the ferry. The wrongful execution story prompted a tear or two.
Then I took the (non-express) bus back to the city. Braden had my keys & I had no way of getting in touch with him, but I remained very calm. After an hour or so on the bus (insane man explaining to us that the Japanese kill heroes, but he, on the other hand, was a military captain of Jesus, here to spread the “Don’t worry, be happy” word!), I exited with my suitcase & headed for a nearby coffee bar with wireless access.
Sent some desperate emails. Jess! Call Braden! Sipped tea. Still no decisions. I was kind of like a Vulcan. Or at least a Vulcan as I understand it from watching Trekkies– never seen an episode of Star Trek in my life. I unquestioningly followed my own logic & no hemming & hawing or coin-flipping was necessary. Smart. I eventually got in touch with Braden & headed to his work to get my keys.
We stopped for sushi. I selected commenter Suzanne’s either/or directive. 3. Hot drink or cold? I got tails. I eschewed the free tea in favor of a non-free can of coke.
I eventually made it home around 5:00. Long day at the office.
Meanwhile, tonight’s date AND my back-up date were supremely MIA. I made a deal with Braden & he promised to be my third go-to man if the date ultimately fell through. I waited for Braden to get off work & accomplished some of my directives.
I 4. consulted the I Ching to see which Radio Lab podcast I should listen to. I got Hexagram 42 (Augmenting/Increase) with the alternate 24 (Return). Obviously, I was to listen to “Time.”
I 5. Listened to it.
Perhaps it’s because I think about time a lot, but this was the first Radio Lab which failed to fully impress. I’ve always experienced time differently than others, & I suppose I’ve also researched time a little — maybe this is why none of the information in the program was particularly new or surprising to me. Or maybe I was just busy. Eventually, I listened with half an ear. My favorite quote? “The joy of time is when you lose it completely.”
I admit, I experienced time VERY differently today. I had no phone– & thus no clock. I made very few decisions. & it lasted a pleasant eternity. Things were soon to speed up, however.
Should I email the team at Radio Lab & ask them to participate in my project? 6. Flipped. Yes.
Did. Unfortunately, when/if they come to this site, they’ll be presented with this rather dull & photo-less entry. But that’s part of destiny too, I suppose.
Then I emailed the Bailey sisters. We’re all to go to the casino tomorrow. I 5. flipped The Coin to determine the details. Results?
1. Jeans hoodie and sunglasses
2. Hard bar
3. Go with two others
4. Bike
5. Red lipstick
6. $81 spending money
I emailed them with our destiny.
Magali responded:
Grand. What time? Want to come here first or shall we meet there?
So many people have decisions for me!
- TAILS: we’ll meet here.
- HEADS: they’ll pick the time.
There you have it. Suddenly time began to move very fast! I was prepped for a quiet night with Braden, when I received an email from tonight’s date! A flurry of planning began. Then I left my house almost immediately. Took the skytrain (for the first time) to the movie theatre where most of tonight’s date was to unfold!
In our pre-chat, we realized we have a lot in common. Not only is he from Ann Arbor (what coincidence!), he’s also lived in LA. Then 6. I flipped The Coin to see if I could get popcorn. NO. But then they made it fresh. 7. Now? YES.
As far as my directives go, should I remind you of the details?
- no makeup
- indoor
- (nighttime)
- pants
- hair down
- booze
- smoke
- don’t talk about project
- goldfish
So anyway, we went to watch Inglourious Basterds. I was certainly 8. wearing pants & definitely had 9. no make-up & my hair was almost 100% 10. down. We were 11. indoors, of course, & it was 12. nighttime. I 13. didn’t talk about the project either. We 14. drank some covert whiskey in the theatre. By the time the strudel scene rolled around he turned to me & asked if I wanted to leave. Um, yes?! A man after my own heart! There is nothing I love more than walking out of a movie!
I’d resigned myself to watching the whole thing (eyes closed during violence, of course) as I thought it was part of my destiny. But normally I would not be so patient. I didn’t have to make a decision, however: he wanted to leave too!! We walked out. Giddy with joy.
Then he suggested we drive to a bar. I 15. Flipped the Coin of Destiny & it said he wasn’t a serial killer. Ok. The coin is never wrong.
In the parking garage, his pick-up truck suggested otherwise. Or perhaps I misread the NRA sticker? Or the stained twin mattress, empty coconut shell, length of rope & metal tools in the back. Still, who am I to argue with fate? & if he killed me, well — any publicity is good publicity. I told him that God was watching him & if he was going to murder me, he should do it gently. We got in the car & 16. smoked a cigarette before heading to the bar.
Cigarettes are a filthy habit, but I don’t have any control over my directives.
Then we split a pitcher of beer & my new friend Joe attempted to seduce me. It was an admirable effort, & it certainly would’ve worked on me if I were 17. I told him as much, then gave him helpful pointers for the future. Though he’s already very good & he probably doesn’t need them. Speaking of 17, I attempted to work 17. goldfish into the conversation. I had a particularly good lateral thinking question in mind. But as the topics of conversation would not veer from lesbian experimentation, the kind of sex I had with my ex-boyfriend, & his work in the air conditioning business, we never quite reached the transcendent realm of lateral thinking. I eventually forgot all about it, as I was having too much fun. I’m sorry. I’ve failed you.
His knuckles were all taped up. I asked him if it was from cutting up prostitutes. But much to my relief, it was nothing like that. Just a run-of-the-mill barfight. I was very impressed.
Then, against my better judgment, we went back to his apartment where…
I waited for my cab! He was a true gentleman. You know, on plentyoffish (the dating website I was required to sign up for this week) we were 97% compatible. That’s why I went with him. & despite our vast differences on the surface, I sense a kindred spirit within. I have to say I was very fond of this guy. We’ll stay in touch (we better!) & I’m going to be his wingman (I hope!). I’m a really good wingman. Also he is a DJ & he can introduce me to some electronic music.
Actually I kind of love Joe. He says I think too much but I love him anyway. Do you hear that, Joe? I love you!
Now it’s time for bed. I’m going to sleep for a hundred years. Sorry about the lack of pictures, but my phone will arrive in the mail tomorrow or day after. If I wake up with a long white beard I’ll be sure to document it for posterity.
Give me some more either/or’s! I still have one day left. So excited for casino tomorrow. Though I’ve never been to one & I don’t even know the rules of poker, that just makes it more exciting.
I called Andrew & converted him to Scientology, using some of the techniques I learned from fundamental Christianity. It’s kind of a two in one. He’s subscribing to Scientology from a fundamentalist Christian standpoint. You can expect some material on his conversion experience later in the week.
Doesn’t he look sweet? If you tried it, he’d bite your face off. But he’s hopelessly devoted to me. One of these days I’m going to strap a bonnet on his head & roll him down the street in a baby carriage.
No luck finding anything modest, that is. I mailed some of the postcards I made during Week 3 (it now seems so distant!) & had a lunch of sushi. I’ve lost my appetite since this project began. It’s the most I can do to choke down a full order of sashimi.
Week 7, Day 6
26 08 2009Today was my first good day of being lived by Fernando. I’m not sure what it is. The company? The light at the end of the tunnel? Or the inevitable resignation to the week which comes, each week, by Monday? Anyway, friends, it was good. Or good enough.
I woke up early, as usual, but had to 1. stay in bed until 10:40 (up late with Jess [P] I didn’t make it to bed until 2:40 last night). I find when I’m confined to bed until a particular hour, I experience a much greater sense of impotence than I did when “paralysed” & confined to a wheelchair, as in Week 6. I tossed & turned, & read some of the Nicholson Baker book I picked up recently.
Then arose. Did some light housework while Jess was in the shower & then made some tea for her (hot 2. water for me) & chatted before she left for lunch.
Jess, artfully backlit.
As she prepared to leave, I 3. prepared my breakfast of oatmeal. By now you know the drill. I 4. added some blueberries as it was cooking & then 5. sweetened the whole mess with honey. Said my goodbyes to Jess & got on the phone with a future participant (not to give too much away, but it involves a vineyard!).
Meanwhile, Bella finished my mostly uneaten oatmeal.
Mairzy doats & dozy doats
Then I waited… & waited… & waited for Braden to arrive so we could 6. watch La jetée/Sans soleil.
Just as I gave up & started the movie(s) he arrived. We had a grand old time with the films.
They seemed a little dull at first & throughout. I eventually liked the first one very much. The second one made me awfully sleepy, & there was a particularly horrible moment in which I had to watch a dying giraffe with spurts of blood coming out of the gunshot wounds on either side of its neck. That woke me up a little.
By the time the second film ended (& it seemed interminably long) I realized that the movie was not boring, exactly. Rather, it so closely approximated a dream state that it was impossible not to feel very sleepy as it was going on. I can’t say I exactly enjoyed watching it, but after it was over I felt I was in a heightened state of consciousness. I’ve never seen a film quite like it before. Nor a film quite like the other one (composed almost entirely of still snapshots & a voiceover). Each worked within an entirely unfamiliar genre & I was certainly improved by watching them. It’s hard to explain, though I’m sure I could do it if I wasn’t so tired right now. If you’re curious, I recommend that you watch them for yourselves.
Bella & Braden fell into deep post-Sans soleil slumber.
I 7. Read the booklet that came with the DVD. I liked it much better than the other one. There was a short interview with Chris Marker (the director) & I appreciated his refreshing snarkiness.
Woke up Braden, & began my long 8. walk to the 7-11. Then we sat in a park, where I was to 9. Write whatever came to mind. Prompted by Sans soleil, I decided to write a list of the first 10 things I saw which “quickened the heart.” I would have liked to take corresponding photographs, as it seemed only right, but I’d left my phone at home, sadly. Here’s the list.
So there, I’ve 10. posted what I wrote.
Then I went home, where I prepared my 11. no-carb lunch. It’s an exciting new take on cucumber sandwiches. I cut open a cucumber & scraped the seeds out, then put a can of tuna in the middle. With some seasoning & mayonnaise for good measure, of course.
Curiouser. & curiouser.
I ate this bizarre concoction. I 12. took my time, enjoyed it.
Then, after some more Nicholson Baker, I read a random page from 13. Luis Cernuda’s Written in Water. The poem was “Time.” The final paragraph of the poem reads:
Quite appropriate. It encapsulated the strange sensory experience I’d been having since the movies ended very nicely. Right down to the murmuring water.
I went about my chores.
Then I finished my (somewhat pornographic) Nicholson Baker book on the couch. As soon as I was done, I had a call from TD. He was outside! He’d finally arrived! I took out the garbage & then joyfully went to greet him.
After I got dressed in normal clothing, we went for a 14. walk. Where did we walk? To 15. dinner. It was delicious, if carb-less. He consumed the entire contents of the breadbasket. Good. It was otherwise too tempting to me. We got some oysters & he had some chowder & I had some steamed clams. I would’ve taken a picture but I’d forgotten my phone again.
Upon returning home, TD took the dog for her nightly constitutional & I sat down to 16. write for an hour. Here you see the result of that writing.
Tomorrow we have a very busy day. Not only do I have to accomplish all of my directives for Day 7, I also have to run some errands, rent a car, & ferry over to Galiano Island, where a family friend has graciously agreed to lend me a house for the first few days of Week 8. Quite excited. Next week we will witness a new strain of vicarious living, perhaps more true to the intentions of the project. It’s being choreographed by a certifiable stranger (only the second true stranger we’ve seen).
All I have left to do is 17. abstain from use of electronic devices in the hour before bed & 18. go to bed at 2:20am. I’m at this point so well-versed in Week 7 that I have the whole schedule down by memory. Staying up late will be hard to do– I have almost three empty hours looming before me, along with a house guest who will certainly be asleep well before 2:20am.
I suppose I will occupy myself by responding to comments, handing out a gold star, & maybe picking up another book to read before turning in.
Oh, the fun of it.
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